Life, Logic, Fairness and being Screwed!

July 10, 2009 at 9:01 pm | Posted in bong, How To, King markiV returns, life | 8 Comments
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Before we even get started with the eulogies, let me make it clear- this is not a random rant about life and how or why my girl friend broke up with me. Nor is it about my laptop raising its body temperature to egg-boiling levels before promptly shutting off every five minutes, before I can get the eggs out of the refrigerator. Better yet, this is not the teary outburst of approximately half a year of coma. No. Though that should come about later… This, like all my other philosophical posts, is about philosophy. Let me go a step forward on that- this is the anti-philosophy of all philosophy. In the next few lines lies the absolute objective universal truth of all existence. Of God, the supernatural, luck, and everything else that we wake up praying to and go to bed cursing. Here lies Life!

But first, if you haven’t noticed, my blogging frequency at least to the untrained eye has moderately  reduced. Im not sorry… Of course that in no way implies that I did not have anything awesome to talk about- just that I forgot what.

Those that know me, occasionally, tend to think I am too much of an egoist. I do not openly disagree. Interestingly though, the past few years have given me significant chances to rework in that area. Not that I no longer hold my shield of ego within… But I have gained the ability to look at my ego as an independent entity that can make its decisions and often times take care of itself, maximizing its economic needs within the constructs of bounded rationality. Over the half a decade since I left high school my ego has been thwarted, squashed, thrown around, belittled, mocked, trodden upon, chewed, torn, slammed against the wall, politely been refused entry into discos and then some more… Of course there have been times when it has been hailed by the crowds, lifted high up in the air, admired and awarded. In most cases I try to be the true companion, motivating and cajoling over a drink when it is hurt and celebrating with a drink when it wins.

The point of argument and/ or debate is not whether such an ego is deserving. Comments in that angle that does not make the former happy will be truly moderated and such commenter, spammed.

It is just that you cannot much point fingers at that. Philosophy tells me Life has been here far longer than me and therefore is the bigger of the two. I do agree in all my humility. Where I come from the older are taught to be nicer to the younger- to give in to their whims and fancies. In which case Life here has just played the part of an adamant old oaf… An egomaniac. And such is the examples our elders are leaving behind!

They tell me life is a teacher and I must learn from the lessons taught. Well, the teachers in school probably did not have as much to say as the old guy, but at least they told us the chapters we would be tested in…  Moreover life isn’t exactly Wikipedia that I run to for a reference.

And then they tell me life is a bitch. I try not to even get imagining life as a women, probably a few hundred centuries old, wrinkled skin, evil laugh, black lipstick and tight red skirts. Yeeckk! Some bitch!

I’ve heard people say Life is a game. A game with infinite players, playing by their own rules and with no definite win, end or score. A game that does not have a season or even come with beer. I digress!

The worst I hear is when someone tells me “That’s Life”. It’s one of the few things that make me want to go up and punch them right on their nose. “No, THAT’s life”! It doesn’t even make sense- if what just happened WAS that famous Life, then people that have been looking for it all these years would have had no chance of knowing it because it just happened. Worse still, the rest of the planet and all those yet to be born are now tumbling down a definitely meaningless existence hence forth. Life has already happened. Moreover, if the person did truly believe he just found the Life that humans have been looking for (and my ex-girl friend asked me to get), shouldn’t the observer be far more excited at the discovery? And finally, even if that were indeed Life, by merely noticing it the other guy assumes himself smarter than Socrates, Pliny, Aristotle, Einstein and Steve Jobs. Which is just about arrogant because that’s me!

The point is, through the years I have heard a million odd proverbs and analogies to Life that just does not seem to conform neatly into what has become. For now, let us assume that there is a purpose to our existence. To be fair then, we must assume such a purpose exists for all of us. If we were to then build on chaos theory, then the actions of even a single person out of this purpose would break the entire equilibrium away, implying that randomness cannot be factored into existence at all. We are therefore led to believe in fate and destiny. Obviously then the concept of free will becomes irrelevant. Therefore the entire charade called life that most of us go through is part of an elaborate play written, directed and screened by God.

If that were true, then why would the nice God that created me put me through anything but a life of chocolate ice creams, booze and women dying to steal at least a glance from me? Why would he create a world where I would have to live in almost-no-internet conditions, do my own laundry, cook my own food and drink instant coffee?

As a preliminary answer, let us begin by assuming monotheism- a concept almost all major religions seem to concur about. If this God that staged these plays were the only God, he would then have to be the only audience as well. And so, just to make it a bit more interesting, twists and turns and counter plots and irreverential loops must be put in. And factor in a lot of stupidity. And more loops. A fair, balanced life just doesn’t make an interesting episode!

Either that or there really isn’t a God and these are just randomly permuted events, and humans have evolved as logical creatures out of pure chance, thereby breaking the anti-logic that created them in the first place. No fair!

And so I bring to you, after a six month sabbatical’s worth of thought- Nothing.

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No More Mushy Business

February 19, 2008 at 3:16 pm | Posted in bong, King markiV returns, life | 7 Comments
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No, this is not another post on love. In fact, this is just the opposite. Mushraff is out! And finally, you might say. But to non-skeptics like me, this is the end of a beautiful era. An era of unprecedented (presidented?) comedy and almost a daily dosage of fun… Especially over the past year and how!

In fact, given past data, I had almost typed a post out ready on how our old general would pull a rig here and one there and continue his rein until he died of Tuberculosis, assassination or public hanging as is the custom in the Pure Land. But to rewrite history? And how!

Apparently, following a few million miles behind anything significant, PML said it would be willing to join a ‘coalition’. With the victors who’s prime purpose in life has been to reinstate ‘democracy’ in Pakistan. I love politics.

“Obviously, the nation has spoken through the ballot. We couldn’t convince them. They have rejected our policies and we have accepted their verdict,” PML’s Tariq Azim Khan told Reuters. “For the best interest of the country, we’re willing to cooperate and work with anybody.” [Source]

Hasn’t the country been screaming this view for close to half a decade now? Some people will always need statistics to back their every breath.

According to some quick surveys, the reasons for PML’s defeat was Mushy’s unpopularity, inflation, food shortages and power cuts. I cannot believe someone would actually hate such a funny guy, but then, people have always been unreasonable. And if I were there I’d be happy that there’s inflation. At least that stands as proof of an economy to have existed in the first place! But power cuts? Are you kidding me? They got electricity already?

But jokes apart, I think this is truly a turning point in history. If the husband Bhutto ends up winning, I could even go as far as to include him in my conspiracy theory! Mushy, although mixed with a great deal of humor and temper bouts, has been quite a change in a nation where school level science has lessons such as ‘making gun-powder and IEDs from house hold gadgets’ and ‘how to kill a Hindu in three steps’. His pinnacle to world peace must have probably been the extermination of every fifth guy walking on the street wearing a black t-shirt. Lesser humans, lesser wars, right! [Not Bull shit]

The turnout was close to 35%, with only 20% rigged votes. Ingeniously, since most riggers were citizens themselves, there was a record count of 15% valid votes- another first in the state!

A bit of confusion over the 70 seats reserved for women and religious minorities. According to Congress wouldn’t the entire population there be minority?

Disclaimer:
The same as with other sensational posts- I am not me and have nothing what so ever to do with myself or the likes.
This is NOT the truth. This is MY opinion. Watch the 10’o clock news for an opinion that would be called the truth.
I love Pakistan and all her citizens. Especially citizens with guns.
The comments here are moderated. Don’t flame me.

PS: It would have taken me at least late tomorrow afternoon to have gotten this info from the papers, considering I did not even remember ‘D-Day’! Its all thanks to Swamy and Yiktik.Com that got the info clearly categorized and easily accessible. I’d recommend you to really give it a try. I’d also recommend anyone coming over to murder me to try him instead!

[Edits]

Read the papers. So Musharaff did actually get a stumbling defeat. But adding insult to injury is the state of current affairs in world politics- No more Mushy dictatorship in Pakistan, Fidel Castro says he’s bored of being dictator and killing American spies in Cuba, and Bush is off his term of being universal dictator. Looks like Obama is fast coming up on top, and thats going to spell a world of difference to the War on Terror. Speaking of which, did you realize that Obama is just one letter away from Osama? Coincidence?

 

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