The Evil 25…

February 13, 2009 at 12:29 pm | Posted in bong, King markiV returns, life | 10 Comments
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So, yeah… I got tagged… Quite obviously, since my blogging frequency has come down to one a year, and considering I lost that two followers I had the day I started including rationale in my writes, it makes sense not to expect too much of a push from my fellow bloggers. Shame on you!

Well, this time, its a tag from Facebook, thanks to Giri. And the tag rules are almost too simple to not seem stupid. Except that they are…

25 Things about me! 

Oh, yes- I got a smart one… Let me use “Me” in third person. Like “Me” is an interesting creature, originally from the tropical rain forests of Beasant Nagar, and violently transplanted to the Just-As-Bad-If-Not-Worse jungles of AmrieKa.

OK. Stop. If you found this line of thought funny, I seriously suggest you mine Orkut profiles of high-school kids for soul-revealing humour. 

OK, that said Im going to answer this one in all honesty. And truth. And honor. As usual.

1. Im a genius. My third standard teacher told me that in the year 1992 (approx. when I was in third grade). And I’ve believed her word ever since. I don’t keep contact with her though, in the fear she might have sobered up by now!

2. I don’t like people. As in, not your ideal socio-path types, but I just generally look at fellow mortals as moving blobs of ideas, logic, a bit of knowledge, sufficient alcohol, spare change and bubble gum. Funnily enough, most of my social circles and the discussions thereof circle around why social circles and the discussions thereof are so pointless.

3. I detest movies. This is probably an extension of rule 2, but Im not really your theatre kind of person. You’d have to drag me by my big toe to get me go to the movies. I think its just the effort involved- youtube seems good enough!

4. I don’t care. And this one statement probably wouldn’t be shattering that thin fabric of crap-paper you call your heart if you ever knew me, and wouldn’t matter if you did not, but I just don’t. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I couldn’t care less to offer an explanation.

5. I am NOT lazy. I don’t exactly come across as the honey-let-me-do-the-dishes-and-the-laundry-while-you-work-your-appetite-to-eat-the-dinner-i-cooked person. But that is closer to “stupid” than “hard-working”. Most often I expect to be the person at the receiving end of this conversation. But that again is “Wishful Thinking”, not “Lazy”.

6. I have a moderately inflated ego. Just a bit. But well, Im a genius and I know it- what do you expect.

7. I get bored. Pretty easy. With stuff, work, humans… I think it is a creativity thing. Or, a real mental disorder. Either way, its at least fun!

8. I am not extremely religious. But my religion lets me do that!

9. I love exaggerating about the poverty levels in India and watch firangs’ eyes go all crazy. Like the other day I was telling one of my lab mates how the government rounds up all the poor people in slums in India and neuters them so we don’t have any poor people in the next generation. Got one of those priceless expressions!

10. I hate it when people assume I must know EVERYTHING about computers, programming, mobile devices, space shuttles and alternate fuel technologies, just because I got my bachelors in IT. Or even when they assume I must know anything about it at all. Haven’t you even HEARD of Charulatha Publications?

11. I have a very powerful faculty of reason. I can reason myself into doing anything stupid.

12. I love my temper. But who doesn’t, right? Except that I have spent years with the great Shaolin Monks, mastering my emotions, that now when I try to get angry I end up being more laughable than scary- the MoJo JoJo types. 

13. I think. A lot. 

14. I love hearing about me. Not from the ego-inflating part- Its fun to hear your juniors and those that just weren’t there “spice up” a bit of nothingness just to make their story look good and end up giving you a surreal larger-than-life legendary image, just because you were unfortunate enough to have been in the scene.

Note to my PSBB punch-makers: I did not beat him up in school. I hardly even pushed him. And I definitely did not run around the block twice chasing him and his hoodlums down with my gang. One- he did not have a hoodlum. Two- I did not have a gang. And Three- You cannot run around the block- there was a wall blocking a full round, remember?

15. I have an interesting mood pattern. Happy->Unproductive->Bored->Depressed->Productive->Happy. Repeatable.

16. I hate it when people take arguments personally. And I hate it to have to break down my logic more than once. Even if it makes me sound profound.

17. I don’t care about music. In fact, up until pretty recently, Id get a headache if there was music running in the car. I have an IPod I barely use, and a big sound system with sub woofers and all that that just lie around to remind me of my humble beginnings in technology. Im n0t giving them away.

18. I love my decision making/ taking capabilities. Instincts, Logic, Coin flip and Google. Not necessarily in that order though. “I-Wonder-What-This-Button-Does” kinds.

19. Im a scorpio. I love that sign and all but I hate all these astro-guys for their claims. What, are all scorpios supposed to be the same? Then what makes us any special? Except for Sagittarious though. Im glad I wasn’t born in that pig sty planet!

20. I ve never been too enthu about sports. Thats just a nice way of saying someday, I will rise to become the evil overlord of the world and will ban the Cricket, hang Arvind and Karthik* upside down in the Kilpauk stadium and have every former cricket player whack his rear end with the bat! And then burn them. The bats, I mean. For now.

(*Mottai maadi cricket champions circa 93-94, merely because they were each 6 years older than us, did all the batting, and made us “next gen” kids run down 4 stories to pick up the ball while they celebrated the glory of their unfocussed, badly aimed sixes from our 15X10 feet terrace!)

21. I kind of like history. From an anthropology angle. I hate geography. We had a history-geography split up in high school social stdies, with 60 for history and 30 for geography and 10% for civics and economics. Id get a nice 50 odd in history. My high school social never crossed the 65 barrier. Go figure!

22. I have an awesome memory for important facts. This does not include dates, numbers, names, faces, appointments, promises and the likes. 

23. I think I experiment a lot. Some people call it “fooling around”, but yeah- that’s just them!

24. Im a fast person. I need to get things done when I feel the heat. Right here. Right now. The ideal gestation period of my idea is between two hours and a week.

25. I blog. Markiv is the inverse of the name my parents gave me, in case you still haven’t figured it out. I know it isn’t the most creative, but I love my name. Especially when the firangs pronounce it like “Wee-Kh-Wom”. I don’t like it when the use the “Wee-Kkum” version. That’s a whole 60% reduction from the original.

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Nice Guy at 50

January 30, 2008 at 11:23 am | Posted in King markiV returns | 8 Comments
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I get this a lot. Random people calling me mean, those around constantly advicing me to be nice et al.

Not fair, I say. Im a very nice guy if you will… And what better opportunity to remind the world of my niceties, than the Silver Jubilee of my blog!

Speaking of which, I bring you the glorious 50th post in this little archipelago of creativity, genius, emotions and a few other words from Karunanidhi’s speech last month.

And before you ask, here are the top ten reasons why I am a really really nice guy, and why you should get to know me better if you are a girl and just click on the ad banners and be away if you are a guy-

#10 The Group Thing: Whenever I make life hell for someone in the group I make sure that everyone else there enjoys it. Goes on to show my everlasting care for greater happiness.

#9 Tip of the Iceberg: Despite the fact that the tip amount you enter on the debit card recipt cannot be debited without a swipe, I always leave a handsome tip, just to make the waiter happy.

#8 Anger Management: I never kill, hurt, insult or in any other way harm any living being. Especially humans. Ever. Unless provoked.

#7 Man of the Masses: If I have to be depressed and take a suicidal drive down the road, I try to sqeeze in as many people as I can into the car and share the adrenalin rush. Most often I tend to bring back the love of life in them.

#6 Monosyllabic Caller: If there is something uninteresting in the other side of the conversation I pull it out to the top and bring it to their notice before they proceed to make a greater fool of themselves.

#5 Psychiatrist Adviser: With the occasional few people who do come to me for advice, I make sure that they don’t go back disappointed and give an understanding nod and the best course of action then on. Even if I don’t understand a shit of what they are talking.

 

#4 Alcoholics Anonymous: Talking to people when I’m drunk and they are not gives me the satisfaction of them assuming that all I say is the truth and nothing but the truth and thus ultimately feeling happy about it. If you are hearing what you want to hear or even what you like, Im just not drunk enough.

#3 Rubbing Salt: Everytime I meet someone who has done something to ever feel guit or shame that I know of, I carefully remind them about it and give them a pleasant cruise of nostalgia.

#2 The Path Finder: I take it a sense of responsibility in giving clear directions to the directionless many that stop by me on the roads. In fact I take this so far as to give them a clear description even when I don’t have a clue.

#1 Call back: Not a lot of people would really be this nice, but I always make it a point to give the girl a call after some intimacy. Or at least a message. Most often after. Usually. Sometimes…

 

That must do it. At least 10 awesome reasons to prove I’m probably one of the few nice guys left on this planet.

Oh, and now for a vote of thanks.

At this time of the glorious 50, I take a moment to thank all those who have made this possible. I thank the jobless IT guys who despite recessions and downsizing continue to rummage around blogs and drop inconsequential comments.

I would also like to thank my critics for… umm… Actually no. I wouldn’t like to thank you. The comments continue to get moderated, I read all your comments and I don’t care if you have cracks on your butt and therefore find my posts offensive.

I would further like to thank all those who like smokes and chai. Not much direct correlation, but thank them nevertheless.

Last but not the least, I would like to thank the millions of fellow humans who I do not know and therefore don’t have to care about not thanking.

Thank you all. As a “50” treat you could click on any of the many ad banners around my site. Please. I’m very poor and the recession got to me!

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