Delhi Ponnu Leela

April 2, 2010 at 2:27 pm | Posted in bong, King markiV returns | 9 Comments
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This is actually a collection of Tweets I had posted a bit back… I plan to continue it- thodarkadhai style- some day. But as all mega thodars go- it seems pretty complete as it is, and I haven’t written much to add in quite a while. Additionally, after the ‘First Post after Coma’ post last week, I’ve really been wanting to write something here. Moral satisfaction, you see.

Delhi Leela speaks the story of Leela, the northie raised Tamil girl that went missing one day. The story speaks the emotional turmoil of the parents at home- the denial, shifting of responsibilities, anger and guilt experienced by each. Further, it discusses the social issues and factors that affects the daily life of the Indian middle class.

Hah.. Funny you actually fell for that. But Delhi Leela is my contribution to Tamil Literature. Some day kids will read through this for their Tamil exams and they will ask you doubts in Explaining with Reference to Context. So read it now- prevent the avamanam of ignorance…

[Introduction]

delhi ponnu leela,
color pasum paala,
delhi ponnu leela-
kanum naalu naala

leela ode aalu,
paeru edho baalu,
counter le vanguvan maalu…
avanum leave naalu naallu!

delhi ponnu leela,
kanum naalu naala,
kadhalicha baala-
ava odi ponala?

[On Health]

baalu veetuku pona,
ange irukkan veena,
odambu ellam leena..
baalu enna aanan!

anju naala janni,
jugule soodu thanni,
kaichalile panni,
its not even funny…

leela ille ange,
sonna baalu thange,
visaranayum thonga..
namma delhi leela yenge?

[On Memories]

namma leela ponnu,
delhi naatu kannu,
thingaradho bunnu,
aana thamizh mannu

delhi ponnu leela,
kaanum naalu naala,
geetha- seetha- maala,
inge engyachum irukala?

ava pesuradho hindi,
sothule mudhal pandhi,
aru manikku vandi
eduthu povale traffic le mundhi

[On Friends]

leela ode friendu,
irukudhunge jakku rendu,
geetha semma gundu,
seetha oru mandu

seetha veedu gaali,
kudumbathode jaali,
poittange tour-to-bali,
ange namakku enna joli?!

innoruthi geetha,
ezhidhirippa late-a,
sonnar tea-kada cheta-
leela ange poirruke maata

[On Fathers]

enge namma leela?
vaaya thorandha peela!
inniki varatum leela-
papom en kai a ava kaal-a!

northi-kaara naina,
polambal vittaru avaru line-a,
thooki valathene maina,
ipdi kaanume naina!

delhi ponnu leela,
kaanum naalu naala,
velaikku parappa aala,
enge enga leela?!

[On Bureaucracy]

arisi-paruppukku ration,
indha prechanaikku theva caution,
namma povom police station-
area inspector kooda Booshan…

eduthange paper vella,
vevarama prechanaya solla,
enge Leela inge illa-
adhu dhan engalukku tholla…

complaint a paatharu maama,
bajjiya kadicharu calm-a,
aatha ve ketaru ‘yema,
ipdi ponna anuppalaama?!’

enna solluva aatha,
kanneer ode naina ve paatha,
‘kuch kuch hotha’,
(sorry hindi kaari aatha)

[On Divinity]

‘pazhani malai vela,
yen ponnu thirumbuvaala?,
kaanum naalu naala-
na thooki valathene leela!’

‘aandi appa! Kumara!
naa paesa maaten thimura,
kununja thala nimura,
en Leela enge Kumara’

‘kootitu ponavan yaaru?’,
‘konjum kanna thorandhu paaru’
aatha aayittale naaru,
naina ponaru bar-u

naalu aachu anju,
aatha manasu panju,
summa irundha nenju
ippadi aaganuma nanju!

[On Family]

kudumbame motham,
vandhange thotti muththam,
yaara solla kuthtam..
kolla pakkam enna saththam?

sowkarpetta thatha,
vandhaaru konjum late-a..
‘enna peththa aatha!’,
‘kadaisiya yaaru paatha?’

sonnan driver jaggu,
‘na paaka dhan sar makku,
otuvadhil na quicku’, sonnan driver jaggu.

‘namma pakathu theru maami,
ava ponnu sivagami,
pooja sivare saami-
avange vootuku vazhiya kaami’

[On Suspicion]

naina aruvale pudicharu saanam-
idhu namma kudumba maanam,
enge leela ponne kanum,
ini ellaye vaanam!

delhi kaara appa,
tension aanare thappa,
chapathiyile uppa,
pottare appa..

‘poojaari mama,
vaaya thorandha rama,
ipdi pannalamma?’,
aana sindhicharu mama

raama mama moolai,
pooja seivaru moonu velai,
aana yem-perumaan leelai,
apdinu poitaru adutha vaela!

[On Habits]

delhi kaari leela,
kanum naalu naala,
andha bhel-puri wala
kooda poirpaala?

ava thalaiyile irundha poovu,
adhu vaadi moonu raavu,
andha bhel-puri kaaran paavu,
pulichu pona maavu

naina sindhicharu,
leela ode yaaru?
pengal manasa paaru-
kandupudichaaru

mudiyile paadhi,
ribbon kattum vyaadhi,
pengalenum jaadhi
ku irupadhu pazhaya seidhi

ponaru kada veedhi,
namma leela va thaedi,
ange thiruvizha nu seidhi,
ennikitrippa meedi

I really thought I’d end this here, but then it was too tempting to kill a character so out of character… So here goes after a few more days…

[On Heroism]

enge delhi leela,
innum oru naala,
kaanum ayyia leela,
namma ponnu kedaippala?

thedi pathan bussu,
koiyambedu- luzzu,
naina business-u
aayiduchu buss-u

appo vandha pandu,
thamizhan jamesu bondu,
police-kku vaandu,
KD-gal-ukku gaandu

pandu poduvane thoppi,
moppam pudipadhule puppy,
avan yerangitan na sappi,
inge porandhutan ya thappi

thirudan odinanna,
thorathi pudipaan maana,
UK-le porandhirundhanna,
holmes-e paandu dhaana??!

aarambichan modhal,
pandu oda thedal,
leela kudumba paadal –
ku aada mumbai model

[On Tamil Film Touches]

modhal rendu geetham,
paada suseela madam,
sangeetha kadal odum,
pandu nadathina paadam

vandhuchu edhir paatu,
accent-o vada naatu,
adhu leela ode paatu-
nee endha pakkamnu kaatu!

Thank You! Thank You…

Yes, Im making this a movie now…

A more complete list of crowd-sourced Tamil-English genocide is available here– especially this is the funniest IMHO, so do check it out. And if you have a Twitter account, you know what to do!

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How to Ask Her Out

February 18, 2008 at 6:54 am | Posted in How To, work | 9 Comments
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…And not come out looking stupid!

 

If you love a woman, tell her that she’s really wanted…

If you love a woman, tell her that she’s the one…

She needs somebody to tell her that its gonna last forever…

Tell me if you ever really, really really ever loved a woman…

Actually don’t tell me. But then again…

I was watching this show on Channel V the other day called ‘Webcam Goddess’. Well, it really sounded like some porn flick so I didn’t risk surfing off.
Anyway, it turns out to be a show where you send in queries regarding your love life and the hostess gives you ingenious solutions to it. I puked only thrice!

My favorite was this guy from someplace up north.

‘Dear Goddess,

I am really close to this girl and of late have started really liking her. I know she likes me too, from the way she sees me with the corner of her eye and the way she touches her hair. But I’m really scared to ask her out. What can I do?

Northie-not-killed-in-mumbai’

For which the apparent love doc hostess says he should send her ‘beautiful’ bouquets for like a week, and then write down an anonymous letter telling her how much he loves her. And she would definitely reply if she had those feelings too. Definitely. If she does send in a reply to an anonymous letter, she sure is dumb enough to love!

Not that I’m the God of these matters or so, but I seem to know as much to understand that not only is the trick not going to work, but the girl is going to think he’s gay, which means all her friends, associates and acquaintances are struck off the list as well!

So I just thought I should do my little to the ignorant world of never-been-non-singular men, and i-think-i-found-love women by throwing in a bit of experiential advice.

First thing, if you are in the same boat as the northie guy, make sure the girl isn’t looking through the corner of her eye because of some opthal issues. Love and squint eyes can have fairly misleading symptoms. Second, there’s this strange corner-eye ‘wtf’ reaction that could be interpreted in a million ways, so just run a quick self check: odor, zipper, flipper, rips, color combos and the likes…

Next, if she’s brushing her hair a lot, she’s probably got an itch. Which is probably contagious. So if you don’t imagine a lovely honey moon where you pick the lies of each other’s scalps, move to the next.

Now if it finally comes down to asking her out, don’t expose her to flowers, money or the likes. If it doesn’t work out, it’s a useless investment. If it does, she’s going to expect more everytime!

And now, finally, the advice! Coming out without IDIOT written all over the face can be quite risky. And the tricks are never fail-proof. So you need good basic-psychology knowledge. Women are at a totally different plane when it comes to sense of humor. Ideally, if you can’t find the niche, move over to more serious stuff. It doesn’t have to be good or even true. Just say it.

One of the biggest, surest and probably the oldest tricks in the book is the ‘bad-guy’ game. Drill into her the knowledge that you are an evil, twisted bad, bad, bad guy. I tried the villain laugh as well, but it didn’t work for me. Maybe it would, for you. Now when she’s convinced you are the Satan himself, be yourself and do the stuff you normally would. Now despite being the cheap, conceited, uninterested guy that you are, you put yourself on the highest pedestal of nice on the relative scale. Thank you, Mr. Einstein.

When people were not really interested in buying a luxury car made by a cheap manufacturer, Lexus came out with the test drive initiative. And that has proven to be one of the best marketing pitches ever. Joke about being in a relationship. Put it into her head. Make her think of the life ahead. Demo boy-friend ver1.0… Or even better- try for a beta release (alpha-beta ‘beta’ you use in software, not the hindi one!)

Given your stature of having to read through a blog for love advice, I wouldn’t believe these techniques would work for you. But in case there be some misinterpretation and you do eventually lose your singularity, may all hell break lose. Live a lie!

Claimer:
The stunts mentioned above have been tried by experts. Don’t try this at home. Markiv and his Kootaalingal do not take any responsibility from loss to life, property or marital status arising from the above.

If you are a girl reading through this, I have neither knowledge nor experience in these games and they have been written by a totally different person purely for entertainment purposes.


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