Delhi Ponnu Leela

April 2, 2010 at 2:27 pm | Posted in bong, King markiV returns | 9 Comments
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This is actually a collection of Tweets I had posted a bit back… I plan to continue it- thodarkadhai style- some day. But as all mega thodars go- it seems pretty complete as it is, and I haven’t written much to add in quite a while. Additionally, after the ‘First Post after Coma’ post last week, I’ve really been wanting to write something here. Moral satisfaction, you see.

Delhi Leela speaks the story of Leela, the northie raised Tamil girl that went missing one day. The story speaks the emotional turmoil of the parents at home- the denial, shifting of responsibilities, anger and guilt experienced by each. Further, it discusses the social issues and factors that affects the daily life of the Indian middle class.

Hah.. Funny you actually fell for that. But Delhi Leela is my contribution to Tamil Literature. Some day kids will read through this for their Tamil exams and they will ask you doubts in Explaining with Reference to Context. So read it now- prevent the avamanam of ignorance…

[Introduction]

delhi ponnu leela,
color pasum paala,
delhi ponnu leela-
kanum naalu naala

leela ode aalu,
paeru edho baalu,
counter le vanguvan maalu…
avanum leave naalu naallu!

delhi ponnu leela,
kanum naalu naala,
kadhalicha baala-
ava odi ponala?

[On Health]

baalu veetuku pona,
ange irukkan veena,
odambu ellam leena..
baalu enna aanan!

anju naala janni,
jugule soodu thanni,
kaichalile panni,
its not even funny…

leela ille ange,
sonna baalu thange,
visaranayum thonga..
namma delhi leela yenge?

[On Memories]

namma leela ponnu,
delhi naatu kannu,
thingaradho bunnu,
aana thamizh mannu

delhi ponnu leela,
kaanum naalu naala,
geetha- seetha- maala,
inge engyachum irukala?

ava pesuradho hindi,
sothule mudhal pandhi,
aru manikku vandi
eduthu povale traffic le mundhi

[On Friends]

leela ode friendu,
irukudhunge jakku rendu,
geetha semma gundu,
seetha oru mandu

seetha veedu gaali,
kudumbathode jaali,
poittange tour-to-bali,
ange namakku enna joli?!

innoruthi geetha,
ezhidhirippa late-a,
sonnar tea-kada cheta-
leela ange poirruke maata

[On Fathers]

enge namma leela?
vaaya thorandha peela!
inniki varatum leela-
papom en kai a ava kaal-a!

northi-kaara naina,
polambal vittaru avaru line-a,
thooki valathene maina,
ipdi kaanume naina!

delhi ponnu leela,
kaanum naalu naala,
velaikku parappa aala,
enge enga leela?!

[On Bureaucracy]

arisi-paruppukku ration,
indha prechanaikku theva caution,
namma povom police station-
area inspector kooda Booshan…

eduthange paper vella,
vevarama prechanaya solla,
enge Leela inge illa-
adhu dhan engalukku tholla…

complaint a paatharu maama,
bajjiya kadicharu calm-a,
aatha ve ketaru ‘yema,
ipdi ponna anuppalaama?!’

enna solluva aatha,
kanneer ode naina ve paatha,
‘kuch kuch hotha’,
(sorry hindi kaari aatha)

[On Divinity]

‘pazhani malai vela,
yen ponnu thirumbuvaala?,
kaanum naalu naala-
na thooki valathene leela!’

‘aandi appa! Kumara!
naa paesa maaten thimura,
kununja thala nimura,
en Leela enge Kumara’

‘kootitu ponavan yaaru?’,
‘konjum kanna thorandhu paaru’
aatha aayittale naaru,
naina ponaru bar-u

naalu aachu anju,
aatha manasu panju,
summa irundha nenju
ippadi aaganuma nanju!

[On Family]

kudumbame motham,
vandhange thotti muththam,
yaara solla kuthtam..
kolla pakkam enna saththam?

sowkarpetta thatha,
vandhaaru konjum late-a..
‘enna peththa aatha!’,
‘kadaisiya yaaru paatha?’

sonnan driver jaggu,
‘na paaka dhan sar makku,
otuvadhil na quicku’, sonnan driver jaggu.

‘namma pakathu theru maami,
ava ponnu sivagami,
pooja sivare saami-
avange vootuku vazhiya kaami’

[On Suspicion]

naina aruvale pudicharu saanam-
idhu namma kudumba maanam,
enge leela ponne kanum,
ini ellaye vaanam!

delhi kaara appa,
tension aanare thappa,
chapathiyile uppa,
pottare appa..

‘poojaari mama,
vaaya thorandha rama,
ipdi pannalamma?’,
aana sindhicharu mama

raama mama moolai,
pooja seivaru moonu velai,
aana yem-perumaan leelai,
apdinu poitaru adutha vaela!

[On Habits]

delhi kaari leela,
kanum naalu naala,
andha bhel-puri wala
kooda poirpaala?

ava thalaiyile irundha poovu,
adhu vaadi moonu raavu,
andha bhel-puri kaaran paavu,
pulichu pona maavu

naina sindhicharu,
leela ode yaaru?
pengal manasa paaru-
kandupudichaaru

mudiyile paadhi,
ribbon kattum vyaadhi,
pengalenum jaadhi
ku irupadhu pazhaya seidhi

ponaru kada veedhi,
namma leela va thaedi,
ange thiruvizha nu seidhi,
ennikitrippa meedi

I really thought I’d end this here, but then it was too tempting to kill a character so out of character… So here goes after a few more days…

[On Heroism]

enge delhi leela,
innum oru naala,
kaanum ayyia leela,
namma ponnu kedaippala?

thedi pathan bussu,
koiyambedu- luzzu,
naina business-u
aayiduchu buss-u

appo vandha pandu,
thamizhan jamesu bondu,
police-kku vaandu,
KD-gal-ukku gaandu

pandu poduvane thoppi,
moppam pudipadhule puppy,
avan yerangitan na sappi,
inge porandhutan ya thappi

thirudan odinanna,
thorathi pudipaan maana,
UK-le porandhirundhanna,
holmes-e paandu dhaana??!

aarambichan modhal,
pandu oda thedal,
leela kudumba paadal –
ku aada mumbai model

[On Tamil Film Touches]

modhal rendu geetham,
paada suseela madam,
sangeetha kadal odum,
pandu nadathina paadam

vandhuchu edhir paatu,
accent-o vada naatu,
adhu leela ode paatu-
nee endha pakkamnu kaatu!

Thank You! Thank You…

Yes, Im making this a movie now…

A more complete list of crowd-sourced Tamil-English genocide is available here– especially this is the funniest IMHO, so do check it out. And if you have a Twitter account, you know what to do!

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The Evil 25…

February 13, 2009 at 12:29 pm | Posted in bong, King markiV returns, life | 10 Comments
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So, yeah… I got tagged… Quite obviously, since my blogging frequency has come down to one a year, and considering I lost that two followers I had the day I started including rationale in my writes, it makes sense not to expect too much of a push from my fellow bloggers. Shame on you!

Well, this time, its a tag from Facebook, thanks to Giri. And the tag rules are almost too simple to not seem stupid. Except that they are…

25 Things about me! 

Oh, yes- I got a smart one… Let me use “Me” in third person. Like “Me” is an interesting creature, originally from the tropical rain forests of Beasant Nagar, and violently transplanted to the Just-As-Bad-If-Not-Worse jungles of AmrieKa.

OK. Stop. If you found this line of thought funny, I seriously suggest you mine Orkut profiles of high-school kids for soul-revealing humour. 

OK, that said Im going to answer this one in all honesty. And truth. And honor. As usual.

1. Im a genius. My third standard teacher told me that in the year 1992 (approx. when I was in third grade). And I’ve believed her word ever since. I don’t keep contact with her though, in the fear she might have sobered up by now!

2. I don’t like people. As in, not your ideal socio-path types, but I just generally look at fellow mortals as moving blobs of ideas, logic, a bit of knowledge, sufficient alcohol, spare change and bubble gum. Funnily enough, most of my social circles and the discussions thereof circle around why social circles and the discussions thereof are so pointless.

3. I detest movies. This is probably an extension of rule 2, but Im not really your theatre kind of person. You’d have to drag me by my big toe to get me go to the movies. I think its just the effort involved- youtube seems good enough!

4. I don’t care. And this one statement probably wouldn’t be shattering that thin fabric of crap-paper you call your heart if you ever knew me, and wouldn’t matter if you did not, but I just don’t. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I couldn’t care less to offer an explanation.

5. I am NOT lazy. I don’t exactly come across as the honey-let-me-do-the-dishes-and-the-laundry-while-you-work-your-appetite-to-eat-the-dinner-i-cooked person. But that is closer to “stupid” than “hard-working”. Most often I expect to be the person at the receiving end of this conversation. But that again is “Wishful Thinking”, not “Lazy”.

6. I have a moderately inflated ego. Just a bit. But well, Im a genius and I know it- what do you expect.

7. I get bored. Pretty easy. With stuff, work, humans… I think it is a creativity thing. Or, a real mental disorder. Either way, its at least fun!

8. I am not extremely religious. But my religion lets me do that!

9. I love exaggerating about the poverty levels in India and watch firangs’ eyes go all crazy. Like the other day I was telling one of my lab mates how the government rounds up all the poor people in slums in India and neuters them so we don’t have any poor people in the next generation. Got one of those priceless expressions!

10. I hate it when people assume I must know EVERYTHING about computers, programming, mobile devices, space shuttles and alternate fuel technologies, just because I got my bachelors in IT. Or even when they assume I must know anything about it at all. Haven’t you even HEARD of Charulatha Publications?

11. I have a very powerful faculty of reason. I can reason myself into doing anything stupid.

12. I love my temper. But who doesn’t, right? Except that I have spent years with the great Shaolin Monks, mastering my emotions, that now when I try to get angry I end up being more laughable than scary- the MoJo JoJo types. 

13. I think. A lot. 

14. I love hearing about me. Not from the ego-inflating part- Its fun to hear your juniors and those that just weren’t there “spice up” a bit of nothingness just to make their story look good and end up giving you a surreal larger-than-life legendary image, just because you were unfortunate enough to have been in the scene.

Note to my PSBB punch-makers: I did not beat him up in school. I hardly even pushed him. And I definitely did not run around the block twice chasing him and his hoodlums down with my gang. One- he did not have a hoodlum. Two- I did not have a gang. And Three- You cannot run around the block- there was a wall blocking a full round, remember?

15. I have an interesting mood pattern. Happy->Unproductive->Bored->Depressed->Productive->Happy. Repeatable.

16. I hate it when people take arguments personally. And I hate it to have to break down my logic more than once. Even if it makes me sound profound.

17. I don’t care about music. In fact, up until pretty recently, Id get a headache if there was music running in the car. I have an IPod I barely use, and a big sound system with sub woofers and all that that just lie around to remind me of my humble beginnings in technology. Im n0t giving them away.

18. I love my decision making/ taking capabilities. Instincts, Logic, Coin flip and Google. Not necessarily in that order though. “I-Wonder-What-This-Button-Does” kinds.

19. Im a scorpio. I love that sign and all but I hate all these astro-guys for their claims. What, are all scorpios supposed to be the same? Then what makes us any special? Except for Sagittarious though. Im glad I wasn’t born in that pig sty planet!

20. I ve never been too enthu about sports. Thats just a nice way of saying someday, I will rise to become the evil overlord of the world and will ban the Cricket, hang Arvind and Karthik* upside down in the Kilpauk stadium and have every former cricket player whack his rear end with the bat! And then burn them. The bats, I mean. For now.

(*Mottai maadi cricket champions circa 93-94, merely because they were each 6 years older than us, did all the batting, and made us “next gen” kids run down 4 stories to pick up the ball while they celebrated the glory of their unfocussed, badly aimed sixes from our 15X10 feet terrace!)

21. I kind of like history. From an anthropology angle. I hate geography. We had a history-geography split up in high school social stdies, with 60 for history and 30 for geography and 10% for civics and economics. Id get a nice 50 odd in history. My high school social never crossed the 65 barrier. Go figure!

22. I have an awesome memory for important facts. This does not include dates, numbers, names, faces, appointments, promises and the likes. 

23. I think I experiment a lot. Some people call it “fooling around”, but yeah- that’s just them!

24. Im a fast person. I need to get things done when I feel the heat. Right here. Right now. The ideal gestation period of my idea is between two hours and a week.

25. I blog. Markiv is the inverse of the name my parents gave me, in case you still haven’t figured it out. I know it isn’t the most creative, but I love my name. Especially when the firangs pronounce it like “Wee-Kh-Wom”. I don’t like it when the use the “Wee-Kkum” version. That’s a whole 60% reduction from the original.

How to Ask Her Out

February 18, 2008 at 6:54 am | Posted in How To, work | 9 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

…And not come out looking stupid!

 

If you love a woman, tell her that she’s really wanted…

If you love a woman, tell her that she’s the one…

She needs somebody to tell her that its gonna last forever…

Tell me if you ever really, really really ever loved a woman…

Actually don’t tell me. But then again…

I was watching this show on Channel V the other day called ‘Webcam Goddess’. Well, it really sounded like some porn flick so I didn’t risk surfing off.
Anyway, it turns out to be a show where you send in queries regarding your love life and the hostess gives you ingenious solutions to it. I puked only thrice!

My favorite was this guy from someplace up north.

‘Dear Goddess,

I am really close to this girl and of late have started really liking her. I know she likes me too, from the way she sees me with the corner of her eye and the way she touches her hair. But I’m really scared to ask her out. What can I do?

Northie-not-killed-in-mumbai’

For which the apparent love doc hostess says he should send her ‘beautiful’ bouquets for like a week, and then write down an anonymous letter telling her how much he loves her. And she would definitely reply if she had those feelings too. Definitely. If she does send in a reply to an anonymous letter, she sure is dumb enough to love!

Not that I’m the God of these matters or so, but I seem to know as much to understand that not only is the trick not going to work, but the girl is going to think he’s gay, which means all her friends, associates and acquaintances are struck off the list as well!

So I just thought I should do my little to the ignorant world of never-been-non-singular men, and i-think-i-found-love women by throwing in a bit of experiential advice.

First thing, if you are in the same boat as the northie guy, make sure the girl isn’t looking through the corner of her eye because of some opthal issues. Love and squint eyes can have fairly misleading symptoms. Second, there’s this strange corner-eye ‘wtf’ reaction that could be interpreted in a million ways, so just run a quick self check: odor, zipper, flipper, rips, color combos and the likes…

Next, if she’s brushing her hair a lot, she’s probably got an itch. Which is probably contagious. So if you don’t imagine a lovely honey moon where you pick the lies of each other’s scalps, move to the next.

Now if it finally comes down to asking her out, don’t expose her to flowers, money or the likes. If it doesn’t work out, it’s a useless investment. If it does, she’s going to expect more everytime!

And now, finally, the advice! Coming out without IDIOT written all over the face can be quite risky. And the tricks are never fail-proof. So you need good basic-psychology knowledge. Women are at a totally different plane when it comes to sense of humor. Ideally, if you can’t find the niche, move over to more serious stuff. It doesn’t have to be good or even true. Just say it.

One of the biggest, surest and probably the oldest tricks in the book is the ‘bad-guy’ game. Drill into her the knowledge that you are an evil, twisted bad, bad, bad guy. I tried the villain laugh as well, but it didn’t work for me. Maybe it would, for you. Now when she’s convinced you are the Satan himself, be yourself and do the stuff you normally would. Now despite being the cheap, conceited, uninterested guy that you are, you put yourself on the highest pedestal of nice on the relative scale. Thank you, Mr. Einstein.

When people were not really interested in buying a luxury car made by a cheap manufacturer, Lexus came out with the test drive initiative. And that has proven to be one of the best marketing pitches ever. Joke about being in a relationship. Put it into her head. Make her think of the life ahead. Demo boy-friend ver1.0… Or even better- try for a beta release (alpha-beta ‘beta’ you use in software, not the hindi one!)

Given your stature of having to read through a blog for love advice, I wouldn’t believe these techniques would work for you. But in case there be some misinterpretation and you do eventually lose your singularity, may all hell break lose. Live a lie!

Claimer:
The stunts mentioned above have been tried by experts. Don’t try this at home. Markiv and his Kootaalingal do not take any responsibility from loss to life, property or marital status arising from the above.

If you are a girl reading through this, I have neither knowledge nor experience in these games and they have been written by a totally different person purely for entertainment purposes.


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