Five Years….

April 15, 2007 at 5:06 pm | Posted in Of Reena... Of Love... | 10 Comments

Series are in… In a big way… And im no duck to just sit around. So here goes the first bit of my first series. For a little prologue, this series is on love (YES! AND IF YOU ARE SQUIRMING WITH THE MUSH, SHUT UP and SHUT DOWN!!!). All charecters in these are purely fictitious, or at least I try to make them. But then again, since I draw inspiration from life around, that little line between reality and not-so-reality could be crossed over every once in a while. So here goes my love of Reena… [Prabhu, if this reminds you of my drunken blah-blah, enjoy maadi:-) ]

It’s been five years. Five years since I lost the innocence of my smile. Five years since I assumed life a complexity.

We all make mistakes. We all learn to forgive. We all learn to love. It wasn’t the first time Reena wanted to split. It had kind of become a game then- she wanting a break, me giving it to her, and she coming back in less than a few weeks, weeping like a drenched puppy. I hated it every time she just walked off. I hated it more every time she gave me the same I-did-it-all-for-ma-folks stories. I hated myself for buying that 2-bit crap. And I hated myself most, for tipping logic and reason. I loved her. And it was all ok.

Times changed. Love gradually took the back seat. In my fear of losing her, I began to impose restrictions. She accepted. I imposed more. But for the sporadic fights and arguments, I would almost write it off as a dictatorship. The love that I had nurtured was slowly becoming a killer. Killing both her and me.

It’s been five years. Five years since I realized the difference between love and hate. Five years since I realized both imposter’s the same. Five years since I experienced LIFE first hand. Five years since I died.

I loved her. My life, my world, my living was meaningless without Reena. Yes, we fought. I often screamed that I did not care for her anymore. More than once I asked myself if I even truly loved her. I was quite sure that a couple of months and my life would go on the way it had. Yet all it took were a couple of tears from those beautifully sculpted eyes for me to fall into a heap of incorrigible mass at her feet. Every problem that I could have with the entirety of mankind could be lifted away with that list in her voice. There were nights when I needed no words. Just a sight of the moonlight bouncing off that golden skin would show me the heights of contentment.

Five years since the greatest of bliss. Five years since I was born again a million times over. Five years since I saw the difference between pleasure and happiness. Five years since I bowed down to the angel on earth.

Five years since I went to his birthday. A classmate. A meeting ground for the friends that further enhanced the already wasted time. Just as usual, mocking, pulling each other’s legs, complaining…. That was when I first met her. His cousin, Reena, he announced. It would have further filled the romance if I could recollect the color of her clothes, the design of her hair band. But all that filled my senses were the infectious smile she spread. Her golden voice you could listen to for all eternity. I really didn’t need much of a prodding to go talk to her. She was the angel that made lives worth it. She was what I had been waiting for, for all those years.

The next hour or two that followed were like a snapshot to heaven. My friends just disappeared. Every other life form on this planet ceased to exist. I don’t think I spoke too much sense. At least I didn’t make a fool of myself like macho men in movies do. But even today when I close my eyes, I can sense that soft skin so close, and yet planets apart. I can feel the radiance. I can smell that fragrance sweeter than miles of rose gardens. I can taste that moment, savoring it by the second. I can dream, and it feels like forever. Yet its been five years.

Five years since I smiled without malice. Five years since I could love and live. Five years since I died.

A couple of years down, and one phone call to tell me it’s all over. I begged. I pleaded. I argued. And for a very long time I accused her of causing me to distrust love. I now realize its been equally my fault, if not more. And I plead neither guilt nor apology.

I do not wish she had never broken up. I do not wish to go back these two years. I wish I never met Reena in the first place. Live in peace, ignorant of the angel a few blocks away. But it’s been five years. Five years since I lost me… And it could have as well been a hundred…

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