Of Charters and Accountants…

July 11, 2008 at 1:16 pm | Posted in bong, work | 6 Comments
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CA’s are funny. Atleast the types Ive come across. They hold a thought of superiority over every other domain or education, consider their work as primary in the enlightenment of society, refuse to understand logic, reason or mathematics and generally hate engineers, managers, analysts, company top brass, union workers, manufacturers, IT guys, tea boys and anyone else to whom a computer does not immediately rise the word TALLY. Which, incidentally they don’t use either.

Moreover all prospective CA’s that I have ever spoken to swear by the book that they are not accountants. That I do not get. A chartered bus is the same thing as a normal bus, albeit without a set route. Why should chartered accountants be any different?

But that is only the tip of the iceberg. Probably the few decades the average CA ends up travelling, taking up coaching classes, giving in examinations, internships, and a constant stare at arbitrarily cooked up numbers makes them morose at other fields that actually DO SOMETHING. Not that CA;s don’t do anything-just nothing productive. Lets take the guy turning the bolts for a living- in a perfect world he would continue to turn bolts, perhaps only better. So would the tea shop guy make better tea, and a programmer throw lesser bugs. But what about this CA? The numbers are right, the taxes paid off properly, on-pay finance guys take care of distribution of capital gain to cause least damage. And since the system gets perfect there is no longer a need to pay someone just to attest the facts with the smartly written phrase “To the best of my knowledge”.

Come to think of it, there aren’t too many people who actually make a living out of the human imperfections in this world. I stress on the word HUMAN because even in such a perfect world forces of nature such as earth quakes, cyclones, tsunamis and program bugs cannot really be avoided. So too, medical ailments such as cancer and stupidity. That makes doctors, testers, mega serial makers and the likes still hold significance. The police and military would still be necessary since these are essential roles Captain has to play in his movies. Politicians would be necessary as well to make news papers fun to read. That just leaves us with Lawyers and CA’s. And I run a co-blog on law so that still holds importance. Other than which the in depth analysis of the legal backbone that strings together the seamless functioning of societ… OK I really can’t cook up much in praise fo lawyers either, but that’s not the point here. Of course, we’d still need CA’s for finding totalling mistakes in balance sheets. Or wait a minute, we got advanced solutions such as Microsoft Excel for that!

The part that really gets funny is when a CA starts about how a marketer, engineer or a programmer is redundant. I mean, these are domains that actually do something to push a business forward. These are the components that actually make the business. The CA on the other hand is a person hired to mediate the process of robbing one’s hard earned dough over the past year by the government. Now to think of it, I guess the only reason this accountant is actually chartered is because of a fear of being murdered if on a full time roll.

Disclaimer: I hold nothing personally against CA’s.
If you are a CA and are reading this I hold back my surprise at your interest and request you to treat this as Misc.
If you are one of the CA’s that I do know you are an exception to this rule and I am not talking about you.

Financial accounting is one branch of accounting and historically has involved processes by which financial information about a business is recorded, classified, summarised, interpreted, and communicated; for public companies, this information is generally publicly-accessible. By contrast management accounting information is used within an organisation and is usually confidential and accessible only to a small group, mostly decision-makers. Tax Accounting is the accounting needed to comply with jurisdictional tax regulations.

Source: Wikipedia  Implication: BORING!

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Thus, another Avataaram

July 3, 2008 at 2:05 pm | Posted in bong, King markiV returns | 6 Comments
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My theories are often counter intuitive, but this one had me totally surprised. Just ended up watching Dasavatharam and didn’t feel anything spectacular about it. Just another color-color flick…It must be all that hype that surrounds the act that raises expectations to levels that can never be achieved, finally just ending the victim up with disappointment regardless of the initial worth of the act. It happened with Sivaji, and now with Dasavatharam again. And mind you, I am quite a fan of both super star and world hero (corny name).

But that’s not what Im going to be getting at. What worries me is that Tamil movies, like any other big-money business tend to follow a proven track of success. That is, until the track is sufficiently worn out, raped, plundered, withered, dried and gone. There was a college movie phase, seeing the invent of the likes of Prashanth and early Ajith. An initial success until there were movies with anybody who just stopped their scooter (this is the early to mid 80s) near AVM studio. A beat up story involving the hero riding a Yamaha RX100. Standard Ctrl+C scenes would include a college tour to a hill station on a beat up bus (with a banner saying “College Tour”), song, possible rape of asst heroine or attempted rape of heroine (heroine must always be virgin- even if married, divorced or with kids) by college rowdy. A few hundred movies with the same plot, story line, song sequence and long shot scenes until it stopped selling.

Then an action movie phase, a non-fighting romantic hero phase, police phase, criminal phase, zamindar plot phase, hero-comes-to-pattinam phase… And that’s what scares me. With Dasavatharam turning heads already, I hear Rajini’s coming up with 20 roles in his movie.
The trouble is, there’s a good chance that movie would run as well. It’s the Super Star for Christ’s sake! But it wouldn’t end there, would it? Lets just go ahead and extrapolate the consequences. How many could have the heart to take 25 Vijays in one movie? And Ajith fans wouldn’t be too far behind either. But that’s not what scares me either. At least these guys make entertaining masala.

So I just go ahead and imagine the icing of multi role movies- the true apple of our eyes. But to make the task simpler, lets put in the Dasavatharam plot. Only lets cut budgets by removing Kamal, Ravikumar, Himesh, the light and camera crew and all the other actors, extras etc. Starring TR!

A great actor needs to create a great space around himself. The plot revolves around TR, a DoD laurete who researches on integrating WMDs with poetry. An eloquent repeat of “Thatti Paathen Kottangachi” results in the gruesome creation of little superstar. In a parellel run, thousands of years ago homo sapiens hunt down not-yet-evolved cross bred human-bear populations. This part, like the original, has nothing whatsoever to do with the plot, except its one extra role for our hero and no makeup! Heres a rough of TR on this role:

 bear

Basing my trust on the readers creativity I shall stop short with the plot and just give the equivalent of each character:

 George Bush: Veerasaamy as the all powerful MLA because both always end up getting me in splits of laughter. No matter how serious they are.

the sophisticate

The police guy: Vakeel Dhada from Kaadal Azhivadillai as the bringer of justice because they act pricey and have a nasal tone.

the don

The scientist guy: The Kaadal Daasan from Sonnal Daan Kaadalaa (that wise love guru+ poet) because both are the inventors of the WMD but end up acting like heroes. Couldn’t find a picture or a video of this so if you find one do send it across.

The dumb tall guy: Cameo dance in that Vallavan Song. The acting required, and elasticity of movement is just the same.

The Japanese Marital Arts guy: The martial arts expertise and timely punch dialogs during the fight… Who else but Vaa Daa En Machi.

That sand quarry guy: The witty lawyer speaker. There couldn’t be a better fitting role- both guys talk too much and look disgusting. Although one tries to look good- TR doesn’t need to TRY!

The Paati Role: Our hero could never get down to being a woman, let alone an old hag. But delirious and stupid- a definite!

tr rand

The Singer dude: The sad thangachi sentiment role that shot him to stardom- boring!

Ex CIA Villain Guy: I couldn’t find a part where our guy could even be remotely bad, but the closest I get is this.

Oh and by the way, if such a movie did come you could be sure I’d even buy black tickets to watch it!
 

 

S.E.X. Evolution, Chance and Boredom

July 1, 2008 at 10:57 am | Posted in How To, King markiV returns | 3 Comments
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Ah, finally! It feels good to be back..

It is no big mystery that one of the greatest pursuits of all life forms is to create more progeny. Not just progeny, but more progeny. Fruits, nuts, diets, Marthubootham et al to the rescue. Assuming that the average blog reader has at least sufficient providence for food, shelter and clothing (which in the IT sense means a monthly pass at the Andhra mess, an underground hole in Bangalore and a ragged pair of Tees and jeans bought during the iron ages and washed just about then), that fatal three letter word does crop up one way or the other.

Id love to make this a “How To”, with strategies, tips and tricks that could help you create more of your kind with minimal effort right here, but for now Id just stop short and recommend you wait till human cloning gets a pass in congress.

However I’m sure most must have at least in passing envied the not-so-evolved kinds that abound the planet. Considering the effort involved in finding and impressing a mate, falling in love, meeting the parents, getting raised eyebrows from “Uncle”, tying the knot, getting more raised eyebrows from the “Uncle”, disclosing savings that scratch the bottom of the vault and more embarrassing Uncle-talks, not to mention the initial effort in buying coffee, wearing washed/ pressed clothes, buying food, buying a car, buying a house, and often times finding a day job, the life of a dog does look impressive. One month a year with all the babes you can get on that street before you run in to the next. [For further info on Dogs and Territorial markings read here]

But give it a deeper thought. Think of your daily schedule as a mutt. Wake up early, howl and take a leak. Wait till the morning garbage is deposited and fish around the box for a light morning breakfast. No brushing, no shower, no shave. Just plunge right in. Wait for the hopeless IT folks to punch their time in and get out for their morning tea and smokes. Throw the hungry dog expression and get some butter biscuits- coconut ones if you are lucky. After all these guys do make pretty good money! Continue with a good sleep on a drying puddle, chase the tail, bark at random moving things, have a voice hunt with the other local dogs, more biscuits, bark, chase, garbage, sleep, and finish it off with another howling contest. Really not much to do. And you thought typing code, reading blogs and refreshing your orkut every few minutes for new scraps was boring. Obviously the number of dogs on the streets is a strictly increasing function over time.

Pigs are even worse. Wise scientists have discovered that pigs have thirty minute orgasms. That’s a half goddamn hour- the average duration of a megaserial. And I don’t think they allow commercial breaks while at it. Envy? Try to fit it in your life. No multitasking while watching FRIENDS (the sitcom you pervert!).

Not that it gets any better as you travel down the evolutionary chain. If you were amongst most aves, a friendly kiss could end you up with Bird Jr. In fact a perfect nuptial setting for a peacock would be to throw a solo dance pathetic enough to drop a few tears and let the hen chew up the eye drops later on. Sexy eyes as literal as can be!

Oh but it gets even worse. If you were a frog all you’d have to do is shoot your gametes in open water and get your kids from the unlucky passing missus. You don’t even have to worry if its yours- after all they all look just the same, and tadpoles don’t even look like frogs. If darts are your skill, this is one life form I’d suggest. No dates, no moonlight dinners, no rental tuxedos and stretch limos. Just point-and-shoot!

And lets not even get started with the trees. Beating eye lashes and betting my hard made genetic material on an insect that gets squashed on truck windshields isn’t my kind of romance. But that’s just me!

Of course right at the end of the line the amoeba and likes do pike my interest. But then again, the prospect of making a mirror of myself every time I eat a heavy enough lunch doesn’t sound like too much fun either. And moreover, doesn’t that get us back to the cloning issues?

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