The Weakest Amoeba

February 10, 2008 at 6:46 pm | Posted in bong, How To | 8 Comments
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Let me cut directly to the point here. I wrote this in a heightened state of awareness so most of whats here doesn’t make sense even to my otherwise sober self. Apparently the higher level of certain chemicals in my blood throws my purpose to propose break through scientific theories into high gear. Even if they are not really break through. And even if they have already been proposed.

OK. Before I even start, there are at least of a couple of assumptions that you would have to consider.

Primarily I consider Natural selection and Random Mutation to be correct. There are of course others like Intelligent Creation, which has not yet been fully accepted by the scientific community or Genesis, which has not been accepted by anyone except the pope.

I also assume the philosophy that change is not a choice of comfort but rather a forced adaption. Therefore you would really not be motivated to launder that pair of jeans until that ketchup stain has started decomposing and sending off methane and stuff.

Right from the start, when sperm cells were actual living organisms (the amoeba- paramecium era), there must have been a few guys who weren’t as adept as the others in making a good living. By random mutations, these guys would have been the weaker guys in the group unable to live happy amongst the stronger amoebae. Obviously the first few days would have seen a lot of weaker deader amoebas lying on the floor. But eventually these guys would have formed a kind of socialism between their kind to ensure a fairer competition. The first multi-cellular organisms, my friends, and the beginning of communism!

As we go on, these team-worked multi-cellular communist guys would have gained a greater power than the fascist singles at some point, and become the de facto mechanism. The progression of some of these guys into the first plants makes sense as well. Of course there could have been some that could neither get its food the sun-light way, not use the previous techniques. I assume this would have led to a primitive cannibalism where the stronger group of a few multi-cellular guys could have had to eat their step cousins for a living. I bring to you, Animals… and Basic Capitalism 1.0!

Further on, lets take the jump to the great grandfather of you and the chimpanzee. Some of these guys would have been great jumpers and loved to be that way. But the other not-so-good jumper guys would be driven to live in smaller groups on the ground simply because they have to, what with all those lions, tigers, Raj Thakreys and other predators running around. Groups would need administration. Even amongst these groups, there would be those incapable of physical strains and toils. For their survival they would need to subjugate and utilize the physical labor of their neighbors. Slavery and humanoids have always been famous in Africa. With eventual run-aways and revolts of the now ‘weaker’ slaves, a few would have ventured out of their natural habitat by force. And this probably predates Moses, but who are we to question the texts of Gods. In unknown territory, these guys would have invented primitive tools such as crude rocks to frighten and kill…. Usually other animals… Except Fridays in ancient China…

Purely because of the incapacity of the inventors to take the ‘normal’ path, this could have progressed into other cheaper primitive technology, such as shaped stones, bronze and iron, the wheel, Woodworks’ Grate Water and Mahindra Renault Logan. Not necessarily in that order.

Even in later history, it was the inability of the Spanish to live in their own land’s resources that sent them to conquer the world. Inability, my friends. That’s what causes evolution. It is not the strongest amoeba that went on to evolve and work with Intel duo core processors today, but rather the not-so-able Ramdoss. Simply because of his advantage of being a not-so-good amoeba. [Edit: Here we quote Ramdoss as the icon of tamil-ness, and further his technical prowess as well]

I present to you, and perhaps forward it to the Nature and Evolution Journals. It is not the strongest individual that goes up the evolution ladder, but rather the weaker group. In short, I theorize that evolution is a result of the desire for groups of weaker guys to survive and therefore serendipitously invent an easier way of living.

In the aspect of history and economics, I bring to light that but for Karl Marx, Communism and probably CPI(M) we would all have had to resort to binary fission during first-night scenes.

I also wish to reinstate that you are now reading this blog simply because you once sucked as an amoeba, a fungus, a proto-plant, an ant, a goat, a tiger, a chimpanzee and a South African, in that order.

PS: I am super drunk now and I’m writing this to see how hilarious I sound when I drink alone.

PPS: This theory probably exists and therefore my Nobel prize snatched away, but you know I did not know that the theory, which if it exists, I do not as of this moment know of.

PPPS: Stop reading my disclaimers and read the stuff above.

PPPPS: OK. That wasn’t all that random. Infact it even makes sense! I must start watching more KTV!

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8 Comments »

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  1. *standing ovation* that literally blew my mind away. CYAMMAN i say.. =D

    and also chyeeers *bottoms up* =P

  2. Another post nietzschean thesis about how groupism, collectivism, christian morals and silly things like compassion for the weak brought down humanity from achieving greater heights in evolution. If only we could kill or enslave all the weak ones like how Plato stated in his “The Republic” , we would be so much better off!
    Death to the weak! Death to the meek!

    P.S. For all the tubelights out there, I was being sarcastic.

  3. @gayathri: danku… danku… *bends down. feels taste of vermin in the throat so stands up again*

    @swamy: platonic life would be so boring though… i don’t want to be all good and nice… lets have some evil murderous ones as well!

  4. sooper da!loved this post… and a wonderful disclaimer… 😉

  5. Read parts of post.

    Sweetie..you? Drunk?

    Nah! 😛

    Will have to read post properly and get back with something mature.

  6. vikram vikram my man….i was sober wen i read it…now i hv to get drunk to understand it!!!!…man u have some sexy thots wen u r drunk!!! :~P

    and i choose all of the options!!-
    Nice | Good Post | Interesting | Good | !! | Thanks | Great Post | Yeah | Gooood!!! | With you 🙂 | Really??? | Long time!

  7. @prabhu: READ THE POST TOO PPL

    @mayth: a bit. but sweetie, u drunk too? why write a pre-read-comment?? 😀

  8. @ann-series: babe, i always have the sexy thoughts. i just dont display them proudly enough when im sober! 😀


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