Who’s the Daddy? Conspiracy Theories…

December 28, 2007 at 8:30 am | Posted in bong, life | 17 Comments

Conspiracy theories are only all too common to stem from any public happening- most often tragic ones at that. And thus, I am sure, mine and the thousands of millions to follow over the next few weeks would only hardly touch the tip of the ice berg of an issue at hand.

Now lets start with the fundamentals. Benazir Bhutto has been assassinated. Nothing out of the ordinary in a country where coups, instability, conspiracies and fundamentalism are but ordinary. And already we can see fingers pointing at every direction possible. Now without a stronger premise, lets just get into the superficial reasoning behind such an arrogant episode.

Of course, contender number one would be the good General. His craze for power and love of the seat need no further extrapolation. And Bhutto was, after all, his primary opponent at that. But hold on a second. Lets drill a little deeper.

If there is anything General Mushraff has ever proven, he is not an idiot. A little complacent and arrogant perhaps, but definitely not an idiot. The tirade of sympathy and PPPs and PML(N)’s clear steer on the tide to follow now is obvious. Now then why would someone as wise with the workings of the state resort to such, as to taint his chances and give such a boost to his opponents? Especially when his rigging and manipulation techniques are too well known?

The other contender is any one of the millions of terrorists abounding the country within and without. Lets sit in the shoes of one of these guys. Democracy, coups or apparent democracy, these guys have always gotten their booze. Up until the current president joined hands with the evil west and started exterminating their forces by the dozen. Madrasas closing, border forces spiced up, evil western thoughts and ideas infused, and even the unforgivable sin of joint exercises with the agnostic Indians. A new government would mean new policies and perhaps a return to the glorious life with more Madrasas and more idiosyncrasies. Who would they then rather have off? The dictator bringing in evil thoughts, or a woman who has proven track records of corruption and failure running in the family?

By the simple lack of motive, I am of the opinion that Bhutto’s death reaches far wider than superficial vendetta or ‘get-her-out-of-the-picture’ processes. Now that I have come so far into the subject, let me go further into my conspiracy theory.

Who stands to actually gain, monetarily, emotionally or in political mileage through her death? Who actually benefits by not just getting her out of the picture, but getting her out with such a popular and public ousting?

Now lets take the picture of another ex-leader. Simple laws of ego state that such a person, united or otherwise, could never really play second fiddle. Moreover, trends and statistics say that this person in question would need a miraculous wave of emotion amongst the public to gain any hold even otherwise. I guess it would make perfect logical sense to fabricate an assassination of the popular darling of the masses, throw the blame on the popular villain and sing along in the heat this generates. Of course, to avoid trace backs I would have to intelligently stage attacks and assassination plots aimed at myself that I would miraculously escape. Or even better, knock a couple of useless supporters and turn to game to my side.

On December 27, in a CNN interview just hours after the assassination of Ms Bhutto, Sharif said:

This is not a sad day. This is the darkest and gloomiest day in the history of our country.

Amidst the shock of the death of former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto Mr Sharif has announced that he will boycott the January 8 elections and has called for President Pervez Musharraf to resign due to the lack of security leading up to Benazir Bhutto’s death. Sharif rushed to the hospital where she died, comforted her supporters and sat next to her body. Sharif called Bhutto his sister and vowed to avenge her death.[1]

Shortly after the murder of Benazir Bhutto, Xinhua News Agency reported that four of Sharif’s party workers had been shot dead at Karal Chowk in an attack on a procession to meet him. Although the gunmen were described as “unidentified”, Nawaz Sharif accused Musharraf supporters PML(Q).

[Excerpt Source Wikipedia]

Standard Disclaimers:

  • If you are in Pakistan, have a Pakistani IP or the likes, I do not exist.
  • If you are, in any way, associated with politics or the likes, and this post does not appeal to you, my ID has been hacked and this isn’t me writing in.
  • If you are an assassin, a trained fighter, sniper or the likes, I appeal to your moral sense of right. Im retarded and it is improper to kill one in not so fair a mind.
  • Im drunk.
  • I do not exist.
  • This is not my IP.
  • I can make a disclaimer longer than the post.
  • Go away.


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  1. as 4 sharif’s comment…i dont think that there would be a more happier pakistani in the entire owrld..now that bhutto’s dead….

    anyways…these politicians live their whole life leeching blood out oout of poor like parasites…

    and now suddenly she becomes a “martyr” and a “greatloss” now that she’s assassinated…

    i bet she would have willingle even donated some blood to any blood bank…..let alone the tall claims of “sacriice” and martrydom

  2. the suspense would get even better if sharif is also assasinated

  3. @cold n silent: i couldn’t agree more. but thats how people work. it doesn’t matter if you’ve been an axe murderer all your life. if you died cleaning a leper’s butt, you’re a martyr

    @prabhu: there are 2 ways to get into trouble. one is due to the malice of enemies. the other is due to comments from friends. if anything happens to nawaz im giving ur IP to the cops!

  4. reminds me of this southpark episode.

  5. Unfortunately Mark I, II does not exists, but Mark IV existed, Anyways my condolenses for the loss of Mark IV

    Sorry Friend

  6. P.S (Disclaimer here) you write for your posts is always good. More enjoyable than your posts.

  7. ah well,i quote you ( you better be hell flattered) — “sympathy votes?”

  8. @k-kay: yeah a pretty good one.. im wired to the series as well!

    @anon: identities are immaterial. what matters is what the identity is identified with

  9. @theesh: that would be humiliating if i weren’t so conceited. but since i am, thanks!

    @hakuna: when i say he doesnt fall to flattery, he says that’s true.. being then the most flattered!

  10. Call me slow…but are you insinuating that Shariff is behind all this directly or indirectly? This would be convincing if it were say Imran Khan in Shariff’s place place…but Shariff, I mean comeon ..you really think he’s calapable of all this? He’s one goddamn poochi only…

  11. now all we need to do is somehow bring in shoaib akhtar and sania mirza into the picture…

    and forget the disclaimers, the footer is just 2 words short of the length of the post

  12. She was banished for plundering the nation, now a national martyr. Interesting post.

    I always thought that these ugly politicians should die of AIDS where the shame (the false stigma that exists today) will give them their real due. Else the pantheon of such martyrs will overflow.

  13. @mayth: in the big picture of extrapolations and conspiracies, its the poochi’s who get out good. moreover this guy was once sitting where mushraff now does and benazir wanted to… but im not insinuating ANYTHING. for a conspiracy theorist i play a tad bit too much diplomacy! 🙂

  14. @santosh: ada paavigala… vilambara aasai ku oru ellaye illiya? sania mirza! why not put in an ad with nayanthara on the lead as well!!

    @jolly rogers: yeah AIDS is nice, but guns are just quicker! 🙂

  15. hey mark..if i kill the guy who became the boys SPL wen i was in 12th..will that become ‘ass’issnation?….

  16. @ann-series: actually any planned conspiracy-murder qualifies to be an assassination, if THAT is what ur getting at… the leader then progressing to rule the entire country, on the other hand would become ASS-IS-NATION… hope that answers!

  17. […] a turning point in history. If the husband Bhutto ends up winning, I could even go as far as to include him in my conspiracy theory! Mushy, although mixed with a great deal of humor and temper bouts, has been quite a change in a […]

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