How to woo a lady part 1

October 3, 2007 at 9:04 am | Posted in bong, How To | 9 Comments

– an idiot’s guide to understanding women

Having a girl friend is, in a lot of ways, like bungee jumping. Everyone thinks its super cool, but when you are at it all you want is to get out alive. That said, it is rather highly unfortunate that as the cultural catalysts for over half a century now, Bollywood has given our masses a difficult benchmark to follow. Single, aggressive and angry Amithabs have silently been replaced with talkative, flirting and charming Shah Rukhs. And overnight the aloof silent singledom has become a symbol of pity.

But fear not readers, for in just a few lines that follow you will have the key to understanding a woman’s head, realize her wants and understand her thoughts. And that exact moment you would wish you never payed for this internet connection that has, with this post, pushed you into a lifelong contemplation bordering suicide, penance and lunacy.

But since you have come so far, let me give you a talisman on how relationships work. If you have ever wondered why the woman of your dreams looks instead at that rugged looking no-good rowdy down the street, you are already on the right track.

Women are pre-programmed with an intrinsic want to do good. Over that is an impregnable layer of an infallible ethical system. Crafted across this are the two most vital components of the woman’s brain- the screamer and the road-decomprehender. With so many interrelated components, each with its share of complexity, it is no wonder that the system as a whole comes up with just a couple of minor glitches. Therefore the woman ideally assumes it her divine task to turn the world around. She would complain about the use of plastics as she bites off that chocolate, use the more expensive and labor intensive recycled paper, scream at errant drivers on roads, set a model to prevent sunburn by dressing up Taliban style, and save all her used tissues and wrappers so as to help make a greener planet. Useless facts such as nuclear treaties, war, global warming or that recycled paper uses more in chemicals and raw materials than new paper hardly ever matter to her.

Now it is this inherent need to cleanse the society of evils that draws her to villains and axe murderers. A woman thinks it is her responsibility to purify her ‘victim’ by love. A delirious state governed by states of change and credit cards.

It is at this part of the relationship that the boyfriend quits smoking, drinking, flirting, eating, riding and breathing, while the girl on her part quits calling and going out with him. A woman needs a challenge. She needs something to change. Once the guy becomes perfect, her challenge is over. Some women may look for more things to change- the dressing styles or eating habits. And the ideal woman can constantly complain and feed her survival. The few that do not strictly fall into this median category move to greater villains to satiate their smarten attire. Of course, an intelligent woman may accept the lack of change as the greater truth in life and live with contentment, showering happiness across all she sees. But since every reader here knows that an intelligent woman is a biological anomaly, I suggest you shoot her thrice on the head if you ever encounter one.

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9 Comments »

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  1. You should have started the 2nd para with “my dear readers” – kris sOrikanth madhiriyae irundhrukum!
    100 rupees ku change kooda ilai enga, appuram enga irundhu nammala change panradham. But cleansing??? Yeah baby! I bathe only on alternate weeks. Interested?

  2. readin the post i got a serious doubt… what will girls do when every guy turns out to be like vanathapola captain… who will she love??? what will be there for her to cleanse???

  3. @santhosh-> interested aa? machi un kelvi pokke seri ille… but if any other reader gives it a thought id add ma reco!

    @prabhu-> the skin???

  4. Read this. And re-read, and re-read it. 😛
    I reckon asking myself if I could relate to what you conveyed. umm…and what was my answer to m’self?
    Well…lets just leave it at that. 😉
    Hate to admit it though, I think you have a point. But I also think its highly relative. Dont you think a woman would like to endure the ‘perfection-personified’ she has been a part of creating? I dont think she;d be sooo whimsical.

    Looking forward to Part-II.
    Peace:)

  5. Look whose talkin …. the guy who always wants 2 be in a relationship……hmmmmm….. from blonds 2 brainys… 2 be treated like dis again n again… wonder y!

    ….GAL :p

  6. @mayth-> thats the point exactly… women are perfectionists ( in general). and when they finally get to taste the spoils of their perfection it gets a little too over bearing to taste!

    @anon-> this is my blog and so quite evidently its me talking! and then again, I write at no point that i detest this behavioral trait of women… in fact i love it… i fill myself with enough and more vices so i can fill every woman’s wildest desire to tinker, unlimited!

  7. hee hee, the post and the above comment reminds me of that scene from that manmadharasa song movie–(now which one was that? damn uv given me a fear of alzheimers, after ur prev post)….. in the end namma heroine asks hero, the classic ketta pazhakkam irukka question….and he, romba nalla payyana….says he doesnt have any…….and heroine thalai mutti-fies and says she was looking fwd to thiruthify-ing him …..

  8. Oh god! Please dont live with the misconception that women love imperfect men!
    They dont, trust me, Im a woman, and I have never met one who hasnt wished for a perfect man! Really!
    ‘The perfect man’ is EVERY womans dream! I always wondered why perfect guys never existed! Now i know!

  9. btw, dont go around giving people ideas. I ,might just be assasinated 😛


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