Campus Tour….

October 26, 2007 at 7:26 am | Posted in bong, work | 8 Comments

Most of the film industry in the subcontinent, especially the ones down south, seems obsessed with colleges and the fun life it carries. Learning the essence of life from movies and video games, I braved my better foot forward into engineering with hopes of dudes in bikes, gorgeous women that had been jealously guarded from our childhood eyes to enhance the joy of first sight at adolescence. I imagined gangs lined up against walls specially constructed for that purpose, enjoying the little pleasures of life. I dreamed of parties through the nights, the fights and the fun.

My college did not have the trees I thought it would. It was hot, but what else could I expect out of Chennai. The sand was red. For a moment I thought we had gone a bit off track and landed in the Thar dessert, and looked for camels. When all I saw was a couple of water buffaloes I was convinced of the presence of some far away puddle and concluded I was still in the coastal town I intended to be in. That’s when I saw the board that said ‘Pondicherry- 170 kms’. I was technically in a different city… Almost bordering the state I had so happily grown up in. In fact, if this had been the pre-independence times I would technically be on the Anglo-French borders… Should I culturally adapt to the differences? Would the guys at the canteen say ‘Bon Appetite’? And whatever would happen if a full blown similar to the hundred years war rolled in? Would I be stuck between the warring factions? Would Joan request me to join her ranks? I had pledged the next four years of my existence to this elite grad school and that would be were my loyalty would lie…

Studying in one of the top institutes isn’t a lot of fun. Remember the nerds you pulled digs at back in school? Now they are back in droves, and that’s all there is. If there is one thing worse than having to sit next to a drooling idiot, its having to sit in the midst of forty odd drooling idiots. Eight hours a day. Thirty days a month. Six months a semester. For the whole of eight semesters.

The break came, as they always do. As was customary since my school days, I went out to clear the buffer from my output system and refill some inputs for sustenance. I walk back in, and everybody is already on their seats. Studying! I turn around hoping to find some older being controlling the masses and find none. Apparently the class decided to make good use of the limited time before them. After all a mere 4 years consisting of 2 semesters each isn’t quite a lifetime. Oh, and did I mention- this was the FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE!

Yes, now I’m done with that part of education and have even let a few years flow by. But the terror of the moment still grips me tight. And the next time I see Murali (ever collegiate Tamil star of Idhayam fame), I’m planning to pay his capitation and force him to try engineering once before disillusioning youth.

How to woo a lady part 2

October 19, 2007 at 11:00 am | Posted in bong, How To | 6 Comments
– Bowling a maiden over….

The cricket fever is running high again. You know its happening every time kids choose to play with pads and crushed paper balls, when all small talk gets skillfully crafted towards Steve Wazzisname’s glorious whatever against whoever, whenever… But you might as well know its taken over when you see a greater crowd outside Vivek and Co than near the closest tea shop…

Cricket, as most would willingly testify, is not just a game of skill, dexterity or predictability. Especially in our country where it is neither. With a billion hearts tied close and dear, cricket often passes as the romantic passion of the masses.

Being as far away from the sports grounds in school as logic would permit enabled me to be highly ignorant of the daily nuances of the holy eleven. After all, a stick trying to defend three other sticks from a sphere is not something I would tax my intellect with.

The greater realities of life came to the fore only much later. Nerds and geeks suddenly lost the battle against the jocks. My more ‘sportive’ friends woke up to the admiration of beautiful damsels in distress. If they were your Sachins and Laras I would have gladly taken the punch in good humor. Sadly the few I talk about here could not swallow the surge of flash lights.

Being chivalrous sportsmen, our heroes in the making assumed life ‘made’ with a good century to back them up and a gorgeous classmate to cheer. Unfortunately, women, being what they are, eventually got bored of sitting in the heat all day only to be welcomed by a sweaty, arrogant boyfriend. Now, our guys may massacre speed-of-light balls but the powerful arguments of a woman, without premise, statistics or data to back a conclusion requires a stronger mind. The naive stars on the field could not rise to such concentrated levels of idiosyncrasy and started getting confused about where to defend their stick and where to stick their defenses.

It was at least a couple more years before the tides began to shift back to us, but the experience taught me an important life-lesson: You may bowl a maiden over, but the game is over if you can’t play a silly point.

Elements of Truth…. Reality TV

October 9, 2007 at 10:41 am | Posted in bong, King markiV returns | 4 Comments

When you think TV reality shows are made up mock shows, print and news media are purely commercial ventures and truth is dead and buried, here comes the one show that strikes the chord.

There are only two aspects to any TV show that I can really appreciate- the element of truth they bring to the fore and the amount of humor and entertainment they provide. Indeed, there was a once beautiful time when this post could have spoken about American Idol and Fresh Price of Bel Air and the greater pleasures of Englisss padams and vella kaare ponninga (white hot chicks)… Thanks to CAS (set-top box stuff), my entertainment providers had been reduced to what comes free…

To be good to these saviors, the freebies did carry their share of humor. Sun TV came to the rescue, giving us some quality humor in the form of more mega serials which all dedicatedly used the same script et al as the mother of all mega serials- daughter in law, rich woman, revenge, angry woman (I told you Amithab must never have quit the angry MAN image… see what’s come of the vacancy now!).

However, Vijay TV remained the one channel that refused to allow such low issues such as TRP and entertainment affect its vision. While other channels carried on with the tradition of playing Indian and Baasha on Diwali for the 18000th time, Vijay stood apart by telecasting Malayoor Mammutiyaan’s (navarathna Prashanth’s dad) tour of Malaysia. In fact until recently they managed to keep their channel so boring that one would ensure not to browse through even during Ad breaks on the other channels.

Eventually, Vijay understood that some people actually happened to float through it when their TV was getting auto-tuned. This habit damaging their primary objective of being the channel that no one should see, the geniuses running the machinery decided to throw in some funny English series. Except that they were no longer in English… Or funny… With careful selection of the worst possible voice-overs, viola! They had successfully converted a comedy kid series to a boring droning senseless show that ensures that kids commit suicide and adults become retarded.

Unfortunately, a few months back there was probably some change in the top brass. Coinciding perfectly with the time Sun TV got drained of copying the same story line and started reusing the already run episodes under a different name, Vijay TV roped in some actually GOOD shows. Like a few reality shows, quizzes, actually funny comedy shows, and shifting Madan’s Thirai Paarvai to the prime time of the dead and hopeless.

Coming back to where I started, this Sunday was a tide of difference to the world of television media. Jodi no1, initiated as a dance show that bordered between sad and disgusting, took a drastic change into wholesome entertainment. Pritviraj (who looks like a druggie already) was apparently criticized by Simbu (one of the judges). And he shot back. Im not really going to go on about what happened. Im waiting for a good You Tube link of that show.

The best part was Simbu getting real emotional. He walks out of the studio, with an entire army running behind him with pleas like “Simbu, pogadeenga… Simbu, en pullai ku badil sollitu ponge”, and all that. Any college guy would know that putting scene would mean eventually eating one’s hat. However, since our star did not sufficiently get past single digits in educational expertise, it wouldn’t be fair to expect knowledge in these spheres.

Coming back, the host delivered some powerful statements- “Simbu, neega jury, Simbu. Neenga enna venum naalum sollalaam”. Manasu kulle ‘I Love You’ solluvan nu nenaipu pole irukku.

If you are a connoisseur of good tamil cinema you would know the official ‘Karithu Squad’. These are the ‘publics’ who just throw random statements to show that the hero has mass support. Think the girl in Thamizan who says “Enna saar idhu, oruthare arrest pannanum na warrant venum, illati charge sheet podanum”. Think the group in Indian, Mudhalvan, Sivaji, Ramana… These are the ‘Karithu Squad’- the public opinion. Now Vijay TV seems to have invested in this group, and wisely I should say. The audience discusses about how Simbu is infallible, and the judge is God. Chief Justice ketta siripparu.

But the best part of the show was when SImbu got back (after full meals of Hat) and took the mike. “Ennakku Nadikka Theriyaadhu Sir”.

Adhu engalukku Vallavan paarthe pove therinjiduchu sir!

PS: Im still looking for the guy who came here looking for this

Thanks Santhosh for giving me the You Tube Link. Anaivarum paarthu magizhingal

How to woo a lady part 1

October 3, 2007 at 9:04 am | Posted in bong, How To | 9 Comments

– an idiot’s guide to understanding women

Having a girl friend is, in a lot of ways, like bungee jumping. Everyone thinks its super cool, but when you are at it all you want is to get out alive. That said, it is rather highly unfortunate that as the cultural catalysts for over half a century now, Bollywood has given our masses a difficult benchmark to follow. Single, aggressive and angry Amithabs have silently been replaced with talkative, flirting and charming Shah Rukhs. And overnight the aloof silent singledom has become a symbol of pity.

But fear not readers, for in just a few lines that follow you will have the key to understanding a woman’s head, realize her wants and understand her thoughts. And that exact moment you would wish you never payed for this internet connection that has, with this post, pushed you into a lifelong contemplation bordering suicide, penance and lunacy.

But since you have come so far, let me give you a talisman on how relationships work. If you have ever wondered why the woman of your dreams looks instead at that rugged looking no-good rowdy down the street, you are already on the right track.

Women are pre-programmed with an intrinsic want to do good. Over that is an impregnable layer of an infallible ethical system. Crafted across this are the two most vital components of the woman’s brain- the screamer and the road-decomprehender. With so many interrelated components, each with its share of complexity, it is no wonder that the system as a whole comes up with just a couple of minor glitches. Therefore the woman ideally assumes it her divine task to turn the world around. She would complain about the use of plastics as she bites off that chocolate, use the more expensive and labor intensive recycled paper, scream at errant drivers on roads, set a model to prevent sunburn by dressing up Taliban style, and save all her used tissues and wrappers so as to help make a greener planet. Useless facts such as nuclear treaties, war, global warming or that recycled paper uses more in chemicals and raw materials than new paper hardly ever matter to her.

Now it is this inherent need to cleanse the society of evils that draws her to villains and axe murderers. A woman thinks it is her responsibility to purify her ‘victim’ by love. A delirious state governed by states of change and credit cards.

It is at this part of the relationship that the boyfriend quits smoking, drinking, flirting, eating, riding and breathing, while the girl on her part quits calling and going out with him. A woman needs a challenge. She needs something to change. Once the guy becomes perfect, her challenge is over. Some women may look for more things to change- the dressing styles or eating habits. And the ideal woman can constantly complain and feed her survival. The few that do not strictly fall into this median category move to greater villains to satiate their smarten attire. Of course, an intelligent woman may accept the lack of change as the greater truth in life and live with contentment, showering happiness across all she sees. But since every reader here knows that an intelligent woman is a biological anomaly, I suggest you shoot her thrice on the head if you ever encounter one.

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