Thank you, Mrs.Rowling

July 24, 2007 at 12:18 pm | Posted in bong, King markiV returns, life | 10 Comments

Just done with the seventh book of the Harry Potter series… And still licking my wounds…

That the story ‘lacked ANYTHING that made the previous 6 books worth their while’, could quite be just MY view. Or even that the conclusion book staggered inconclusively could be attributed to my personal perspective.

But that the book falls short in logic and reason and fails to tie along the story that I assumed was crafted and woven through its predecessors is a fair observation. Growing up slowly with each book, I think it only justified that most readers, like me, would relate to Harry. With the sixth book, I no longer felt like a mere reader or the book as a looking glass into the mysterious world of magic. I felt a certain oneness, feeling pain when Harry did, stung by minor clashes, filled with euphoria at his finding love, overwhelmed with tensed anxiety during an adventure… And this, I feel, was the books’ greatest success. Book 7 cheats the reader on this.

[No Spoilers Here]

I’m not into throwing the plot spoilers here. Mrs.Rowling has done a wonderful job at that in a half score pages of this book. But a few descriptive examples of how and why ‘The Deathly Hallows’ is true to its name Deathly, but rather Hollow…

Mrs.Rowling seems to have gotten a bit too many characters in play through six years, and decides to unceremoniously get them disposed off. Now now, I understand its war, and people do die. But let them die with a little grace. Important characters die with lesser importance than that given to Dumbledore’s in book 6, Sirius’s in book 5, Cedrics through books 4 and 5, or even the incessant idiocy of the Harry-Cho drama in book 4 and 5 or Ron-Hermione in book 4.

The biggest problem in most stories is the finish. This, however, one doesn’t expect from an expert storyteller like JKR. With a lets-make-it-as-we-go style, the story weaves through and through, diverging further and further until its too far away to get to the conclusion. The plot ends with a redundant anti-climax, or with a ‘i-woke-up-on-the-dream’ or a simple ‘magic’ by the unseen. These are acceptable phenomena in the Harry Potter world and I hold no qualms. But a dream to small talk with Dumbledore (more resembling Morphious, from the Matrix) right in the climax, under old Voldy’s feet just gets to be a little too much… Especially since there are no answers here and it only further irritates the reader.

It looks like JKR decided to do off with Harry and wrote through the penultimate chapter first, then changed her mind halfway and decided to let him live. That means someone has to actually kill the Dark Lord. Of course good, kind hearted Harry Potter wouldn’t do it. And anyone else killing the dark lord would make the entire series meaningless (I really wished it would be Neville in a daring suicidal move). Well, he had to go (this IS the last book), so he conveniently has his Avada Kedavra rebounded on himself, just as Harry throws a measely disarming charm… Yes. That’s how Mrs.Rowling chooses the greatest dark wizard of all time to go.

Too many sidelines here. The story weaves through a plot of Harry’s wand thinking by itself, Voldy’s wand transferring power to Harry’s, a new concept called the deathly hallows, Harry being a descendent of some fairy tale hero… And add to it the trivial subplot involving the horcruxes and finishing Voldy, which surfaces occasionally, if ever.

And the final, most irritating part is the language flow. I close to decided that my book was a fake- printed out of some random fan fic somewhere. Now to think about it, the fan-fics should have been better.

[Plot absentia makes non spoilers end here]

Well, however bad the book is, the very fact that most, like me have read the previous six should push them enough to take this final drive through the adventure. As you might have heard, Harry doesn’t die. As per the epilogue, he instead lives an insignificant nineteen years not worth mentioning, except for living a life like bunnies do- and increasing the population by 3. In fact, the years rolled dull his thinking to the extent that he names his kids with the last 4 names that he heard in the close of the previous chapter.

Overall, thanks Mrs.Rowling, for saving a hero from death, and instead throwing him into an unemployed, half educated, depressed life of just…. Umm… procreating with Ginny.

Ps: the one good thing here is at least Harry throws a round a couple of unforgivable curses- a Crucio and an Imperio… Really hoped he’d just get all that vengeance off with an Avada Kedavra…

Pictorial evidence that Harry aint as much a goodie goodie as it seems. Ron- time to move on!!

Finally… Tagged…

July 21, 2007 at 1:45 pm | Posted in bong, King markiV returns | 9 Comments

A long time in this world and jumps through 3 blogs… Finally SanHtosh decided to tag me. And being new to the tag-o-sphere, Im not too familiar with the rules… So in case i missed something or broke some ancient tradition in tagging thats been passed down ages, look past it and get on.

1.(a) Pick out a scar you have

Ok… Picking this out… (Ouch)

(b)and explain how you got it?

I just picked it out!

Well seriously, I pick the big spear shaped one that runs from my left shoulder and down my back. It’s a memory of a weaker moment when the intergalactic warlord slashed me from behind (I finish him off and save the world from doom in the next episode).

2. What does your phone look like?
A beauty… Spotless…
Scratchless…. Hardly a month old… And unceremoniously stolen when I was sleeping! To whoever now enjoys a oc MotoRazr you flicked from a Chennai-Bangalore KPN bus, you will have sani in 8th house for 29 years and your girlfriend in my house till i deem fit!!

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
There are just so too many things
on the floor that most often its me hanging onto the walls for dear life.

4. What is your current desktop picture?

My girlfriend…

I wish!

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Hmmm.. Santosh… Why do you ask me this!

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Whatever I wanted now, it would have to be some THING. But I need to want something more than any THING. Which means it would have to be non-materialistic. Since I already have happiness and had enough love for the next 39years, I choose WORLD PEACE!

7. What time were you born?
The time time came to a standstill… Does it really happen like the movies? The maram aadings, the alai jumpings and screen breakings (the jagged breaking into 4 pieces) before everything going rounding-rounding?

8. Are your parents still together?
They aren’t the college lovers they probably where a few decades back… But you don’t expect them to be absolutely STILL when they are together, do you? Allow a little movement eh!

9. Last person who made you cry?
The last I really cried was possibly as an infant when the milk in my bottle was over (yes, it was only milk in those bottles back then). So I should blame my mom for not giving me the bottle… cos the milk wasn’t ready… cos aavin started late… cos they had a labor strike… cos aavin employees are a union… because of communism… thanks to karl marx… due to the russion revolution… which was the effect of too much Vodka

Yes. The last thing that made me cry was Vodka. It still does actually (whiskey any day)

10. What is you favorite perfume/cologne?
The fresh smell of thirupathi mottais in sweltering heat in TTD waiting hall

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Black… Brown… Golden yellow… Blond… Blue… White… Pink… Green…

As the opposite sex of my opposite sex I am incapable of identifying, differentiating or sight adichufying based on colors. All figures ok.

12. What are you listening to?
Chair creaking… AC droning… Colleague is saying something but that im not listening!

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
Totally. Think dark- cabutain, karadi TR and the likes… Moreover even superstar’s karuppu tamilan calaru lines have gotten to the point where im scared I’d puke if I have it one more time!

14. Do you like pain killers?

Oh I totally love them. Anyone willing to kill this genius?

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Yes. Her name is Kuzhalaayee and Im too much of the shy types to ask her out. But I have no qualms in stating that in an all-to-see public domain on the internet!

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Fragments from comets as they fly… (I can eat ANYTHING, right?)

17. Who was the last person you made mad?
Tough one. Madhu perhaps. People were calling her Cow (for maadu) which isn’t very nice, especially when she gets married and raises kids and stuff. So re-christened her “MAD”.

18. Is anyone in love with you?
Lauve or Love? Love is the devine peeling of deiveega kaadal that I have resigned from. Lauve (pronounce like How) is the beautiful phenomenon that is marked with a tamilian beginning (kujaals) and a kannada ending (escape maadi).

A lot of people are crazily in love with me. But I really have no time, between my saving the world, bashing the bad croonies and getting drunk!


Wow! That went good. I realize why no one ever tagged me before, and possibly no one ever will after this:-)

But well, to pass on the baton, tagging Mocking Spirit, Abhas, Gownder Brownie, Kavi, and Anand.

Of Acts and Plays

July 19, 2007 at 8:48 am | Posted in bong, life | 8 Comments

I think Aruna’s celebrity status reached tipping point today, roaring into an exponential height!

Well, she’s always been the play write on the block so that doesn’t surprise me too much. Just that looking at a friend from school plant her flags in the peaks fills me with pride. And a ride again down nostalgia, through my alma mater.

Having a considerably good flow of language and a towering confidence level often spilling to aristocratic arrogance, an over dramatized lifestyle and all the ingredients in, my peers had almost assumed Id go the media way. And thinking back into those lines, I realize why I am truly happy for Aruna, and why Im glad its her and not me there today!

True, I am not the stage fearing types. Truer still, my excuses and innocent ‘it wasn’t me… it was the one-eyed man’ stories definitely bordered extreme acting acumen. But laughing at a joke you don’t get, cracked by a person you don’t like is one thing. Acting is quite another…

The first time I got into ‘theater’, as one might call it, was in third grade. I was the villain who stole the protagonist’s gold and replaced it with olives. OLIVES! I mean, yeah, the hero guy was pretty stupid to leave his wealth with me. But OLIVES?

The next episode was when I gave Zeus and his sides kick some bread and wine. And he blesses me and my wife to become trees! I mean seriously, I give the man food, and yeah, it wasn’t expensive French wine. But what fun can being a tree be? Moreover, if I remember right, my wife and I become different species- she a lime and I an Oak! That means my kids are going to be yellow, sour and perennially hard! Thanks a lot Zeus!

Grade 5 was the year of forcible conversions. I was signed up after extensive auditions to play a very significant part in an adaptation play of ‘Puss in Boots’. Till today I have a million admirers who will always fondly remember me as the guy in row seven column three, dressed in stupid farmer clothes with no dialogs to say and pretty much nothing to do!

Equated to a standstill prop, I was a little apprehensive to sign up the next year. But then, I had earned the respect of being a regular, and my name was on the sheet even before I signed in. Grade 6 saw me in Batman. Ok- I wasn’t Batman. And I declined the offer to be dressed in red underwear and yellow belts, so Robin was out of the picture too. The director just took one look at me, and it was as obvious as it can be. I was again cast into the role I play best- the villain. Being Eggheads’ evil henchman (row 4) just bordered on fun, since at least now I could beat the hero up (Standard batman procedure to be stupid and get into trouble… Standard batman villain procedure to not kill him with a gunshot).

By this time, I realized that in the negative probability that I have a chance to take the spotlight, the power would unceremoniously be turned off. Grade 7 was being quiet and just talking- no acting.

Of the entire acting career, grade 8 saw the best of me. I was the rabbit, my face well hidden behind a paper rabbit face in the “Animals-Minority tribunal” play we staged. And guess the only animal which did not have a pickle to fix? The Rabbit! And then all animals decide to be good to humans, sing a really retarded poem and dance to Heal the World… I mean seriously, you know its time to stop when you are a rabbit dancing to Michael Jackson!

That final piece of Theater has kind of had me emotionally traumatized ever since. So much that I have completely refrained from the drama circles… Speaking comes naturally. But I realize my face is made of some plastic polymer and I get an instant hate towards all mankind just when someone says SMILE (especially the passport size photo on my driving license).

The last episode from school was in my final year at grade 12. Being the school leader, I was expected to start the show with a flowery speech. No problem. A minor accident the day before had my glasses broken and one of my eyes was swollen enough to dwarf cyclops. I start with an eloquent welcome. Halfway through the address, the curtains raise and I enter the stage admist drum rolls and beats. A true moment of glory. And the spotlight that evaded me all those years got me. Right on the eye it shouldn’t. Squinting through in the sudden glare and searing pain, I spoke a few words ina little deviation from the script. A couple of words which would have been censored in a not-so-live environment…
I have shunned from those menacing devices- spot lights, flash lights, tube lights etc ever since… and that pretty much sums my apprehensions towards keywords such as theatre (not gone to Satyam in ages), plays (hate cricket), act (never liked pop corn) and the likes…

Ah, well, like I started out, Congrats Aruna, on becoming an international celebrity!

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