RavaJi- The Toss

June 21, 2007 at 2:26 pm | Posted in bong, How To | 20 Comments

Disclaimer: This is an independent movie that has absolutely nothing to do with movies that may sound similar in name, clause or stupidity. 39,45,680 million plastic dollars were burnt to make this movie the most expensive movie ever made…

Disclaimer 2: I am a real Rajni fan. And I have every reason to hate Shankar- he screwed up thalaivar. But well, this has nothing to do with either, so read on…

[Edited: unlike directors of age, i cannot sleep with a dead end script. so a little more logic…]

Foreword (naalu vaartha paesanum nu sonnange): This is a sondha karithu movie. However, since the last sondha karuthu movie was created in 1932 and was an adaptation of a play before it, the topic of sondha karithu is highly relative. I hope this acts a ready-to-use guide book for Kollywood Movie Start ups so we have more geniuses like Director Name-King.

The movie begins with our hero BlackMan Balaraman being arrested for thiruttu VCD business. Meesai Mama, the public fearing cop asks Balaraman to put a sticker pottu on his cheek so the publics won’t recognize him. Half the world stands right outside, waiting to give up their lives for Balaraman. The angry mob gets confused by the mole and put up placards that read ‘Balls to you’ showing their animosity towards mamas and gap le take oc puffs from jail canteen.

Bals is taken into the prison, where an emancipated oldie already half foot through pearly gates conducts an enquiry-

Oldie: enna pa inge
Oldie:kal odaika vandhiya?
Bals: ille
Oldie: kalli thinga vandhiya?
Bals: ille
Oldie: kambi enna vandhiya?
Bals: ille
Oldie: pinne enna dash ku dann vandha?
Bals: Makkalukku nalladhu panna vandhen

[Flash Back]

Daadi Thandavarayan and Karuppu thaayee are waiting outside Birla Planetarium with Mokka Murugesan.
Bals gets out of the manja color dummy plane outside, takes an aasai chocolate (the 25paise one) and style aa throws it at pakkathu seat poongothai…

It figures from the conversation that Bals is the son of Daadi and Karuppu (we are on first term basis now). Mokkai is a random attachment as Bal’s side kick.
The travel back to their mansion in the maatu vandi is the part where the story (or absence of it) unravels. Bals is back to Chennai from doing time at Tihar jail and awes at the mayajaal, satyam multiplex, INox and Rohini theatre- mushroomed in his absence. Just as he passes a halt outside Devi theatre, he notices the counter sporting HouseFull for a prashanth movie and black tickets sold at triple the price to idiots willing to buy. “Evalo theatre vandhu koode innum black ticket samudhaayam korayale”

Evening at Brilliant’s Kai Yendhi Bhavan.

Bals announces that he is going to eradicate black ticket by creating a thiruttu VCD chain, with a syndicate affiliation to ensure 100% placement. If everyone has access to thiruttu VCD only theatre owners would go to theatres and since they know the ticket rates, they would refuse to buy black ticket. And it would be highly unlikely that a black ticket reseller would buy his own black ticket at the exaggerated price since 1) it is HIS ticket already and 2) namma oorle vare dhande padathukku ellam theatre le vikare price e too much. Of course they could still assume a split personality and buy black tickets from themselves, which would intrude upon the director’s previous movie. But since all his movies are the same, and since logic is a bad word, read on. [ This Part sponsored by naukri.com]

AliSeshan runs a chain of mamool based ‘oru-ticket-noor-rooba’ business and realizes that his line is getting crossed. Being the potta payal that he is, he merely congratulates Bals and leaves. Bals has indigestion due to oosi pona chutney and runs around trying to find a quiet spot. Three Quarters of kodambakkam with disgusting physique play the screen and audience can feel the constipation.

Bals requests Aliseshan to give him permit to take photos with his balloon kaaran camera from the cabin room. Aliseshan obviously declines because he thinks the cabin room is in ships and he gets sea sick.

Bals starts collecting slides that say ‘theatre-il-yethcai-thuppadeergal’ and ‘mun-seat-il-kaal-vaikaadeergal’ anyway by pledging his maatu vandi, maadu, Thandavarayan’s Daadi and Mokkai’s tongue. When he is almost done, Aliseshan throws a show of force and AVM Rajeshwari confiscates them as their intellectual property. Bals is left with nothing except Mokkai whom the kadankaarans refuse to take.

Aliseshan mocks Bals “enna bals, enna panna pore? IT company le vela pannuviya? Nyayama edavadhu thozhil paapiya? Ille courier boy aaviya? Adarku ellam PIN anubavam venume. Pesame na solradha kelu. Indha moserbaer VCD ellam veedu veeda poi distribute panni pozhachiko!”

Mokkai and a thoroughly shattered Bals sit at nair tea kadai, since the one outside high court won’t give kadan anymore. Bals looks at the VCD pack and throws it in the air. “Kushboo padam vizhundha Poo vazhi…. Thala (read Ajith) padam vizhundha asingha vazhi.”

Focus into the fallen CD…

“Naa Hero ille… Villain”

Asingha vazhi…

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20 Comments »

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  1. Eppadi.. How.. Kaise.. Un kitta thaan kaetkanum, eppadi oru blog padikkaravana paithiyam aakurathunnu.

  2. hurts to see a post mocking thalaivars movie…
    thalaivar has done his job clean. but the fu(kin direct screwed certain aspects of the movie. Still thalaivar was too good in the movie. i went to watch the movie only to see him on screen, movie did justice to this expectation of mine.

  3. sssaabbbaaaa
    room pottu yosipaingalo…?

  4. Please forward this to vadivelu so that he can make his imsai arasan sequel.Of course, he might politely enquire – “enna onnum kaamedi keemedi pannaliye”

  5. Hmm ! you have another profession to back you up mate !

  6. you really gave this thing a thought, didn’t you.

  7. Unga blog romba nalla keedh sir.
    Warathle or wati visit panneet porain.

    (Sorry only know Bangalore tamil. Kolai pannuraena?)

  8. @biker, shyam: danku danku…

    @prabhu: it hurts me worse to see thalaivar doin 2 bit antics n bein the play toy for shankar to earn a few more… it hurts me to see a really nice movie with the greatest larger than life star and a proven director get so screwed due to kozhuppu, thimuru, nakkal etc

    @santosh: yes

    @ashok: this is a public forum!

    @kavi: naa too much competiton already… bad movies sure would make me a millionaire but the mere stupidity would eventually kill me

    @indiegurl: yes

  9. ada paavi ada paavi……blog la first article ae spoiler aa….naan nalaikkudhaan filma paakave poraen 😦

  10. aiyoo sorry, rajini nu paatha odane, konjam over emotional…spoiler nu nanachuttaen, thappa eduthukkadhel….

  11. This is totally out of context but This is slightly out of context but I just have to quote my favourite rajni dialogue from Valli (it also happens to be the only tamil sentence in the world with 7 W’s in it):

    Ido paru Walli, nee wirumburawane wide unne wirumburawane kalyanam panna un walke santhoshama irukkum.

  12. @bikerdude:
    well, ella va kum wa potta 7 enna adhukkum melaye W le start panlame!!

    whiskey le water wittutu, wadhakina wendakai wechikittu whistle adichitte wella kaare ponnungaloda weeta white wash adicha kodal wendhalum walke wonderful a irukkum nu waanchinaadan le wijayakaanth sollale…

  13. LMAO!! Boss!! Too much. Please give xerox of foot for daily worship!

  14. danku danku… ippadi nalla nalla rasigargal irukara veraikum rajni enna, ramarajan e kalaikalaam (fyi- ramarajan is the macaw of tamil filmdom)

  15. i need to brush up my tamil to read (and understand) ur posts

  16. heya buddy!
    i have absolutely no idea about tamil… so this post went over the head for me.. but loved your previous posts.
    And just oon your comment regarding the ‘anonymous comments’ section on my post… well the problem regarding anonymous posts is that people use it to their benefit to make slanderous comments and wouldn’t hesitate to hurt ANYBODY’s sentiments…
    catch-22 then i guess huh?

  17. wow so reading (or trying to read) your posts are hard. shows me how much of an ABCD I really am. I cant e ven understand proper tamil let alone the slangy stuff you speak. to top it off my sister has picked up serious slang malayalam, so I pretty much cant even understand anyone in my family now either.. 😦

  18. @ann- brush it up lass…

    @nihal- ok

    @shama- hmmm… ok

  19. OMG MAN!!! i was rotfl!!!! awesome tam khaaamedy man!!! awesome.. 😀

  20. @kaushik: hmmm… ok!


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