RavaJi- The Toss

June 21, 2007 at 2:26 pm | Posted in bong, How To | 20 Comments

Disclaimer: This is an independent movie that has absolutely nothing to do with movies that may sound similar in name, clause or stupidity. 39,45,680 million plastic dollars were burnt to make this movie the most expensive movie ever made…

Disclaimer 2: I am a real Rajni fan. And I have every reason to hate Shankar- he screwed up thalaivar. But well, this has nothing to do with either, so read on…

[Edited: unlike directors of age, i cannot sleep with a dead end script. so a little more logic…]

Foreword (naalu vaartha paesanum nu sonnange): This is a sondha karithu movie. However, since the last sondha karuthu movie was created in 1932 and was an adaptation of a play before it, the topic of sondha karithu is highly relative. I hope this acts a ready-to-use guide book for Kollywood Movie Start ups so we have more geniuses like Director Name-King.

The movie begins with our hero BlackMan Balaraman being arrested for thiruttu VCD business. Meesai Mama, the public fearing cop asks Balaraman to put a sticker pottu on his cheek so the publics won’t recognize him. Half the world stands right outside, waiting to give up their lives for Balaraman. The angry mob gets confused by the mole and put up placards that read ‘Balls to you’ showing their animosity towards mamas and gap le take oc puffs from jail canteen.

Bals is taken into the prison, where an emancipated oldie already half foot through pearly gates conducts an enquiry-

Oldie: enna pa inge
Oldie:kal odaika vandhiya?
Bals: ille
Oldie: kalli thinga vandhiya?
Bals: ille
Oldie: kambi enna vandhiya?
Bals: ille
Oldie: pinne enna dash ku dann vandha?
Bals: Makkalukku nalladhu panna vandhen

[Flash Back]

Daadi Thandavarayan and Karuppu thaayee are waiting outside Birla Planetarium with Mokka Murugesan.
Bals gets out of the manja color dummy plane outside, takes an aasai chocolate (the 25paise one) and style aa throws it at pakkathu seat poongothai…

It figures from the conversation that Bals is the son of Daadi and Karuppu (we are on first term basis now). Mokkai is a random attachment as Bal’s side kick.
The travel back to their mansion in the maatu vandi is the part where the story (or absence of it) unravels. Bals is back to Chennai from doing time at Tihar jail and awes at the mayajaal, satyam multiplex, INox and Rohini theatre- mushroomed in his absence. Just as he passes a halt outside Devi theatre, he notices the counter sporting HouseFull for a prashanth movie and black tickets sold at triple the price to idiots willing to buy. “Evalo theatre vandhu koode innum black ticket samudhaayam korayale”

Evening at Brilliant’s Kai Yendhi Bhavan.

Bals announces that he is going to eradicate black ticket by creating a thiruttu VCD chain, with a syndicate affiliation to ensure 100% placement. If everyone has access to thiruttu VCD only theatre owners would go to theatres and since they know the ticket rates, they would refuse to buy black ticket. And it would be highly unlikely that a black ticket reseller would buy his own black ticket at the exaggerated price since 1) it is HIS ticket already and 2) namma oorle vare dhande padathukku ellam theatre le vikare price e too much. Of course they could still assume a split personality and buy black tickets from themselves, which would intrude upon the director’s previous movie. But since all his movies are the same, and since logic is a bad word, read on. [ This Part sponsored by naukri.com]

AliSeshan runs a chain of mamool based ‘oru-ticket-noor-rooba’ business and realizes that his line is getting crossed. Being the potta payal that he is, he merely congratulates Bals and leaves. Bals has indigestion due to oosi pona chutney and runs around trying to find a quiet spot. Three Quarters of kodambakkam with disgusting physique play the screen and audience can feel the constipation.

Bals requests Aliseshan to give him permit to take photos with his balloon kaaran camera from the cabin room. Aliseshan obviously declines because he thinks the cabin room is in ships and he gets sea sick.

Bals starts collecting slides that say ‘theatre-il-yethcai-thuppadeergal’ and ‘mun-seat-il-kaal-vaikaadeergal’ anyway by pledging his maatu vandi, maadu, Thandavarayan’s Daadi and Mokkai’s tongue. When he is almost done, Aliseshan throws a show of force and AVM Rajeshwari confiscates them as their intellectual property. Bals is left with nothing except Mokkai whom the kadankaarans refuse to take.

Aliseshan mocks Bals “enna bals, enna panna pore? IT company le vela pannuviya? Nyayama edavadhu thozhil paapiya? Ille courier boy aaviya? Adarku ellam PIN anubavam venume. Pesame na solradha kelu. Indha moserbaer VCD ellam veedu veeda poi distribute panni pozhachiko!”

Mokkai and a thoroughly shattered Bals sit at nair tea kadai, since the one outside high court won’t give kadan anymore. Bals looks at the VCD pack and throws it in the air. “Kushboo padam vizhundha Poo vazhi…. Thala (read Ajith) padam vizhundha asingha vazhi.”

Focus into the fallen CD…

“Naa Hero ille… Villain”

Asingha vazhi…

Interval

Theology and the Science of God

June 13, 2007 at 9:09 am | Posted in bong, King markiV returns | 5 Comments

This is an actual unedited passage I fell upon here.

SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY ARE BAD FOR CIVILIZATION

Hence, more science and technology is bad for the civilization. I had completed civil engineering. Hence I am privy to scientific knowledge. I can tell you how corrupting that is. It even makes you question the glorious Quran.

EARTH IS FLAT There are many Hadiths, which say that the earth is flat. But any science will tell you the earth is a sphere. But you can use the same science like the relativity theory to prove that the earth is flat. It is the same case with evolution. But the point being that doubt is sown in the minds of the people on the validity of the Quran as the word of God. More and more we work hard to prove the Quran’s scientific correctness, more and more people will get apprehensive of the truth of the Quran. This is an abomination.

Now, I really am not against islam, so before you start a stupid thread about your 2-bit beliefs, let me put this on the table.
Just as there are idiots in any other field- politics, sports, academics, or any other platform on the lime light, there are quite a few in religion as well. Yours and mine.

The really irritating part is some of these idiots think they can make decisions and act the spokesperson for every believer that falls under them. And hilarious as these unprocessed dip-shit messages are, they certainly are scary. Think about the number of fresh fanatics that would get their eyes onto this page… The influence it would create… Shyam would call this freedom of speech. I say this is the heights of irresponsibility. Trust me- the world doesn’t need any more disharmony than there already is.

Well, the country blocking these pages would make it take too much of a communist stand. Hanging the idiots who proudly host this on would affect the ‘minorities’.
IP Tracing and getting cyber crime shoot down these guys in their night clothes would be anti-left (since anything pro technology is anti-left, except possibly the clay bread oven… oh wait, that hurts the income of the yet-to-be-evolved)

Coming back to what I was talking about- Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Jainism, Hinduism and every other religion ever created came to be for a reason- to make the world a better place. I often wonder what the proud Jehadi’s who wish to convert the world to Islam by force or terror would do once the entire world became Islamic? All loaded with their guns and knives and be jobless, having to slit each other’s throat cos that is the only thing they know!!!

ps: Seriously? Earth- flat? Relativity? How could someone so dumb remember to breathe 70 times a minute? Wondering….

Death and Life beyond. A homage to Mrs. Praveena Devarajan

June 11, 2007 at 8:42 am | Posted in life | 5 Comments

There are very few people who would be ready to dedicate a life of service to make this world a better place to be. Even fewer who could shower an electric power to form a better way in the minds untamed. Now imagine a conglomerate of these souls. Imagine a land, not much different from all that around, except for an atmosphere that beckons the genius within. Imagine the careful artistists painting the canvas of the unformed, with vibrant colors of confidence, love, power and passion. Imagine PSBB.

When I think back, as I often do, i cannot but shudder at the thought of what i might have been, had my dad decided to throw me elsewhere. And the fond memories come rushing back.

Mrs.Praveena Devarajan was a pillar. Strict disciplinarian, enforcer. Her stare alone could bore into you, make you feel the remorse for breaking that measuring glass. And yet, she was the embodiment of love. I have often wondered where they get the teachers from in PSBB. How could one possibly even hope to find hundreds of humans- more love and kindness, than flesh and bones. How could they have existed, beyond the pollutions of the world outside. Without spite or hate. Without favorites and partiality. And yet, they did. And PD was one of the greatest examples.

When Abhi called to give me the news a couple of days back, it was just that- news. But today, when I read Anand’s post, it all just seems to come tumbling back. There are very few people that this world would do better with than without- and unquestioningly, PD is one of them.

She taught us to love animals. I still hate chicken and pigs. She taught us to draw the Bio diagrams with a 2B pencil- first a thin outline, and then deeper. I still prefer to draw with a pen. She taught us not to swear. I hell do.
But she taught us more than just what she said. She taught me the power of love, and the meaningless nature of hate. She taught me that dedication and passion to what I do speaks louder than artistry and skill. She taught me to respect every life form, to emathize and feel the pain. She showed me that getting into someone’s head can only win an argument. She showed me the light to get where I should be.

I believe immortality does not mean never dying. I believe immortality is living even after material fatality. And in that PD will always live with each soul she happened to touch. Forever.

“Farewell, farewell! but this I tell
To thee, thou Wedding-Guest!
He prayeth well, who loveth well
Both man and bird and beast.

“He prayeth best, who loveth best
All things both great and small;
For the dear God who loveth us,
He made and loveth all. “

Hell Met? I was hoping better…

June 4, 2007 at 9:31 am | Posted in bong | 9 Comments

The helmet rule finally went live on Friday last. I guess with all the reservation for the oppressed and the downtrodden minorities, the state wanted the aliens to feel home. True to their faith, the city looked like an astronaut carnival.

Our own friendly neighborhood kaaval-thurai mamas (police-kaarr) have been really hot in the rear. After a millennia of nothingness, the indigestion seems to have got to them. Either that or the rising standard of living (more rules to follow= more rules to break= more maamool for mama) has got them actually doing something other than seizing the ten bucks from kids no taller than the note for crimes as audacious as standing on the wrong lane on Peter’s road (like someone actually cares!). Look at the past few months- the triangular ‘alexander square- little mount- raj bhavan’ one way with the equally ingenius X signs… the excellently inefficient road expansion on the velacherry- tharamani road… the extra-safety camouflaged barricades that magically block arterial roads at night, ensuring a quick and painless escapade to the ‘next’ stage… And now the helmet rule… Actually I guess this is the first rule that actually was something good for the public at large…

But well, since when did we actually care about people. Even if that included us!
Lets make a sensation and try to get a better TRP rating, if not the vote bank.

https://i0.wp.com/www.toondoo.com//public/vikki/toons/cool-cartoon-23743.png

(A chick actually said that! Im trying to get hold of that video btw- could I get a rerun of Jaya News somewhere? This is the perfect example of where lateral thinking overruns natural stupidity…)

With mamas becoming millionaires in just two days, the folks decided to invest a bit on their head- so a drive down to the helmet shop follows. This was where I got my first ever helmet. And the second… And consequently every helmet I or my friends bought. Now, this shop guy is a total wuzz- “Saar, try this Saar. Saar if you where this helmet you look just like Shah Rukh Khan when he wears this helmet Saar!!!!”

And now he wants us to stand in a queue on the road. He’s hired a fellow dip-shit that waves a lathi at us menacingly. Im just taking in the disgust of the poor customer service and the change of the tides… Worsened by the squels of happiness as the guy behind exchanges excitedly on his phone… And tada- he breaks the news… “The rule has been lifted, use your head- Get out of here!!!”

I saw a dozen leave with me- a dozen more to closely follow… Its back to good ole saar days, wuzzie…

So I come back home and tune in to what exactly the new rule is. It so turns out that the rule reads “Helmet unga paadhukaapukaage daan. Viruppapadravange helmet podalaam”

https://i2.wp.com/www.toondoo.com//public/vikki/toons/cool-cartoon-23747.png

(Helmet is for your protection. Those who wish to wear a helmet for their own safety can wear one).

I am astounded at the sheer decisiveness and perfect- loophole less laws that our able leaders can conjure…

Someone please educate the big rule makers about the difference between a RULE and a ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST MESSAGE

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