Mark the Second, Mark IV

Frozen Yogurt Mood Swings

I’ve been feeling that feeling. You know, that uncomfortable mix between the positive charge and the negative? Like when you feel happy on the inside for doing something, all the same feeling upset on top? Kind of like when you give a dollar to the bum on the streets, and smile about your good deed, but openly get really upset about the state of poverty in the universe et al? Like ‘Is this Chennai’ style. If you haven’t seen Sivaji yet, this post can wait.

Or when you feel really upset on the inside but mask it around with joy. The feeling you get when you do something you don’t really WANT to do, but do it anyways, just so it makes someone happy, and that happiness in itself is worth the undercurrent, temporary upsets? That kind of stuff…

Like frozen yogurt. I know- you not-yet-america-le-padikkara-velapanra folks would proudly call it curd. But there are some strict differences between the two. For one, ‘curd’, by definition tastes good. Yogurt, on the other hand, might taste anywhere between edible and eat-it-or-die.

But we aren’t talking about yogurt here are we? No. The point here is about the strong simultaneous + and – we sometimes experience at the same time. In fact, if they were on the extremities I’d have at least felt like a duracell battery. But no! It has to be together- at the same darn place. Mixed together, stirred up, coming out as one big sticky mass with artificial flavoring. Frozen Yogurt again!

Now this yogurt thing- its not like I don’t have a choice. The shop does boast ice creams, like normal human-food stuff. But then, there is something that makes one choose the yogurt part. There is the happiness that Im still following the wisdom of the elders from back home- “daily thair sapadnum”. The weekly once yenna thaechu kulikkanum is, though, an impossibility…

So frozen yogurt somehow manages to creep in every once in a while. Pretty rarely, but even then the fact that Im paying for something that I so absolutely detest is a wonder that breaks all my marketing genius…

Then again, the feeling is not just plain frozen yogurt. That at least is explainable. It’s more like seeing your hard earned money go down for artificial flavor mixed on to an artificial milk from an artificial cow that you personally are all against. Yes- Im absolutely against consuming genetically, hormonally, behaviorally, psychologically disturbing fellow earthlings (or parts thereof) just so someone may mix colored contraptions and take my money for it. Im more of the ‘shenbagame‘ method of obtaining dairy products.  But anyway, can’t argue with an angry firangi you don’t even know, about agricultural and veterinary best-practices…

Its like getting out with that yogurt that, despite making me upset, still throws a feel-good factor because I’m doing the right thing- running thoughts of nostalgia, curd rice and mango pickle… Oh, and Im getting there soon. Like real soon. Back to homeland, ladies and gentlemen and other creatures of the wild that care to know… And… “Plop”…

Little mister pigeon or dove or whatever other over obsese bird of bad bowel practices that was just decides to grace the yogurt that I so detest, but still purchased because it makes me feel good, with its badly digested semi solids. Nice. Another layer of negativity on top.

Im now feeling like that disgusting kuchi-ice from Qwality Walls that I got only because it was the cheapest on the list. You know- the one with alternating bright colors and a taste like a lot of sugar mixed in bile? That one…

Just to prove that it merely takes channelized mental power to feel good, I focussed all my thought on procuring a gun and shooting down that airborne insult that belongs to velu-military’s menu- not the skies… And definitely not my yogurt. Im starting to feel really personal about the yogurt, which for the record, I continue to hate.

A gun wouldn’t be a bad idea after all. Of course, animal lovers could argue that the bird couldn’t have actually desired pooping on my food, since birds in general have very little control over their bowels. Much like Dr. Ilayathalapathy Vijay, who is forever not to be blamed for the shit that he produces.

In my defense, I would ideally counter argue that I’d give a fair shot and if I missed, the bird gets to live. Except that if you knew me enough you’d know that Im a highly trained marine sharp-shooter and  I don’t miss.

Not really- the last time I threw darts, I almost hit my partner in the eye. And he was standing behind me! Which brings us to the bird again. Given my aim and powers of shooting and my angry state of mind (if Captain can miss a huge shield from point blank when he’s angry, I think it best to give up) added to the fact that I neither possess a gun, nor know the species, let alone the name of the bird, to track it later, I highly doubt the probabilities of making a hit. Mental satisfaction at least…

But if the bullet did complete its primary objective of ripping through  the avian pooper, Id think it was the best thing to happen to the bird. What, with a luck like this if I hadn’t, Im sure Mr. Let-me-poop-on-innocent-marketers-frozen-yogurt would have crashed into a glass window and broken his neck. And gotten trampled by a horse as he lay on the street with a broken neck. And gotten abducted by aliens in his semi dead- broken necked- trampled upon state. And then ridiculed by mentally retarded E.T. like creatures for ever and ever and ever… Which, come to think of it, is a better option. I’m not investing money to give my yogurt killer a good mercy death. Feels good!

The power of thought! Happiness is a subject matter of thought (not solicitation- that’s Life Insurance)… I know- it feels kind of inserted, but that’s probably because it is. The thought flow technically ends after the aliens made fun of Poopie.

Which brings me to the core point of this post- Happiness. And pride. So few times do we get to enjoy both, simultaneously, and yet feel good about it, without a teeny part within that feels bad.

And since my intelligence reservoir has been oursourced, I am humby joining the greatest awesomeness on earth. If you do care to read my writes and even better ones by her awesomeness, please drop by @chewmysambhar.

And yes, I, the greatest Mark of all time, forever feel humbled by Her ever present awesomeness… To glory!!