Mark the Second, Mark IV

37 Things About You

You. Have u ever noticed? Im sure u would have, if only u took the effort… Lazy u…

As an elitist member of the English alphabet, U does somethings that the rest of the QWERTY can only hope for. Think about D for example. Or I. I would be perfectly right in writing and rendering if I plugged in a D here. The A fits in for the A, the D for the D, and even an inconspicuous I for the I. But U is You.

Yes, there is the Eye for an I, but how often do you even check in to the I Doctors’? I, robot was bad enough!

And don’t even get me started on the Arabian Sea, to sight See and programming in C. E. Balaguruswamy has effectively made all those puns redundant and frowned upon in higher literary circles.

But that isn’t all. I have been endlessly thinking about U, and it hardly counts to just finish off with same-same sounding. Think about YOUR. Half the world can’t really figure out when to say “Your language equals corporation nai vandi”, and when to stress it up with “You’re an idiot as well”. And that is where U does its second magic- just use UR instead. You can’t really point out apostrophes in a word that sounds like the charging call of heavier two-toed ungulates (As one L maanga pointed out earlier this week, its ok if you don’t know what an unglulate means, but Google panna kooda ariv illadhavan ellam no-no read/write blogs).

Then there’s W. You said it right in your head- just now try saying it again, slowly- DOUBLE YOU! Jackpot!!
W is definitely the greatest achievement of U. Now, theres U that sounds like You in usage. Ooh! Then there’s Oo, which sounds like a U that just got semi-shaved… Raj- Pandiyan Saloon style, not peter Green Trends type…
But then we have the double Yous, which technically is a bigger You than U, but without the shaved off dishonor of Oo. Think Water. Wah-Ter… Now would this have sounded any different if it had been U-Ah-Ter, with U as in Udhagamandalam? Not really, no.

And yet, there was a need for a W. The greats who sat down and drew the first sketches of our alphabets were not happy with U- they wanted a double U! Now does your stupid C have a Double-C on the keyboard? And no- the doubles and higher Xs you have aren’t real letters either… Which brings me back to Y. Why does it exist? Has mankind ever faced a real need for a Why? Think about it- every time it crops up, its either an excuse for a U or an insult to I.

The romans did not deal much in Y’s, nor did the Greeks. And where are they now? All extinct. So is the presence of Y a more philosophical stand point than a lingustic one? Its not like they had to plug in a couple of more letters to make the alphabet package a nice whole number- 24 goddamit! Its not even divisible by 5! Given we’ve almost always had 10 fingers, it makes sense to make a push to a decimalized system, and yet we have 24- that’s 4 too much to count, even if they included their feet, and one too little even if they could keep some on the mind and the rest on their fingers…

Wait a minute- unless the English makers weren’t human. It makes perfect sense for a super alien plot. Must talk to Dan Brown about this… We might even get the Pope involved…

Back to You- that does make you kind of important. You have a three letter word to your name, though one would do. Even through that word you act not like the leader, but take a submissive stance in the rear. And yet, you rule the word- commanding the otherwise directionless ‘Why’ and the ‘Oh’. You makes sense, merely because U exists.

You let common use and misguided idiots make YOUR awesomeness sound like UR grunts of anger. Yet, that doesn’t change a thing- except that’s what makes you what you’re.

You move your clout to command the existence of a distinct Double You, and when the phonetics make it “Wah”- including the “V” into it, you smile in acceptance. And by giving in to V to lead to We, you make your point.

And yet there Y O U are- wedged right along line 1,looking at the right index finger, sharing the sweet spot on the QWERTY.

The QWERTY- a work of art! Reinforces that the  I is right there, contained within You. If only you would take the time to type 3 letters over one. Otherwise, I is right by U’s side, so that is quite a consolation…

Either way, I could put in an infinite reasons why I so love U, but all that need be said is- I love YOU… Its magical!

If you counted through the reasons, you’d probably not find 37 reasons. That’s probably because they aren’t there. 37 is on the title because 37 is a lot like You- unique, special, and wonderful. To the romantic in U, U and 37 are both champagne bottles of happiness, ready to burst out any second…  To the logician in I, 37 is as prime as U and I are vowels. 37 is further unique, because it follows a square and waits in line before a twice-prime veteran. And I chances on redundancy again- my 37s to You…