Mark the Second, Mark IV

She called me today

REENA

Every time that name flashes on the display, I plunge down deep into the mystical days. Days when that was the only number my mobile dialed… Days when I spoke for hours on the overseas call… Days when I couldn’t care less about hanging out with the guys… Days when that ring tone was enough to get me scampering to more private confines… Days that her simple words could make or break… Days when I waited for her to say she loved me…

Now we don’t speak all that often. No fights, no flirts. When we do speak, it’s just a passive exchange of pleasantries- a formal note that we still stay in touch like we agreed.

I fell in love with Reena before I even met her. I loved her before I ever heard her voice. In fact, I think I loved her before I even knew her name. If all this sounds a bit like a teenage flick movie- it did. And I lived it, to all it could give.

We were geographically poles apart. And yet I felt the oneness I never did. She was more than my love. She mirrored my anger, my ego, my ambition… Talking to her was an honest opinion of introspection.

I felt whole again. She was the kind of complete packages you get- friend, advisor, fun mate, serious partner, vent and hope… Reena… I began to feel like she was an extension to my being- my solace and comfort.

She called me today.

I have been rambling on my loneliness ever since. Ever looking for a way to get back what I lost. Waiting to reclaim my love. Waiting for my happiness. Waiting to take back what was mine.

But she was all I needed. All I had. Reena…

We fought only all too often. About the littlest of things. I felt the longing to belong. Somewhere… To do something to bridge that gap with my friends. I could sense my social circle concentrating. And we started taking our frustrations on each other. Of course, I did not even feel the comfort to take it out on anyone else anymore. I did not care to talk. My phone book was just her number, which I could repeat unconscious. And the imbalance began to weigh down.

Her anger tantrums were more frequent. Sometimes I just planned smart ways to not call her. She was smart enough to sense it. Our fights grew to a point where love ceased to endurance.

We still loved each other. She was still all that she always was. I tried to be.

The break up was as amicable as a break up could be. We decided we could not carry forward. We chose to be friends forever. We decided to drop it off, and pick the leads back after a couple of years. We stood at the signboard of the point of no return. And I took the first step in.

Ever since, I have been waiting for her to come back. I have been hoping we could make it work. Anticipating her magic words of assurance that there is still hope that our paths will merge.

Ever since, I have always known that the roads are crossed and gone. Any attempt to persuasion would only push us further apart. I have always known that the game is over and the shutters closed. I have always known that I will always care…

She called me today.

My mobile could sense my thoughts when it flashed

REENA

I wished she would tell me she wanted to get back…
I knew she wouldn’t…

She didn’t… And still, I wish…

Series are in… In a big way… And im no duck to just sit around. So here goes the first bit of my first series. For a little prologue, this series is on love (YES! AND IF YOU ARE SQUIRMING WITH THE MUSH, SHUT UP and SHUT DOWN!!!). All charecters in these are purely fictitious, or at least I try to make them. But then again, since I draw inspiration from life around, that little line between reality and not-so-reality could be crossed over every once in a while. So here goes my love of Reena… [Prabhu, if this reminds you of my drunken blah-blah, enjoy maadi:-) ]

It’s been five years. Five years since I lost the innocence of my smile. Five years since I assumed life a complexity.

We all make mistakes. We all learn to forgive. We all learn to love. It wasn’t the first time Reena wanted to split. It had kind of become a game then- she wanting a break, me giving it to her, and she coming back in less than a few weeks, weeping like a drenched puppy. I hated it every time she just walked off. I hated it more every time she gave me the same I-did-it-all-for-ma-folks stories. I hated myself for buying that 2-bit crap. And I hated myself most, for tipping logic and reason. I loved her. And it was all ok.

Times changed. Love gradually took the back seat. In my fear of losing her, I began to impose restrictions. She accepted. I imposed more. But for the sporadic fights and arguments, I would almost write it off as a dictatorship. The love that I had nurtured was slowly becoming a killer. Killing both her and me.

It’s been five years. Five years since I realized the difference between love and hate. Five years since I realized both imposter’s the same. Five years since I experienced LIFE first hand. Five years since I died.

I loved her. My life, my world, my living was meaningless without Reena. Yes, we fought. I often screamed that I did not care for her anymore. More than once I asked myself if I even truly loved her. I was quite sure that a couple of months and my life would go on the way it had. Yet all it took were a couple of tears from those beautifully sculpted eyes for me to fall into a heap of incorrigible mass at her feet. Every problem that I could have with the entirety of mankind could be lifted away with that list in her voice. There were nights when I needed no words. Just a sight of the moonlight bouncing off that golden skin would show me the heights of contentment.

Five years since the greatest of bliss. Five years since I was born again a million times over. Five years since I saw the difference between pleasure and happiness. Five years since I bowed down to the angel on earth.

Five years since I went to his birthday. A classmate. A meeting ground for the friends that further enhanced the already wasted time. Just as usual, mocking, pulling each other’s legs, complaining…. That was when I first met her. His cousin, Reena, he announced. It would have further filled the romance if I could recollect the color of her clothes, the design of her hair band. But all that filled my senses were the infectious smile she spread. Her golden voice you could listen to for all eternity. I really didn’t need much of a prodding to go talk to her. She was the angel that made lives worth it. She was what I had been waiting for, for all those years.

The next hour or two that followed were like a snapshot to heaven. My friends just disappeared. Every other life form on this planet ceased to exist. I don’t think I spoke too much sense. At least I didn’t make a fool of myself like macho men in movies do. But even today when I close my eyes, I can sense that soft skin so close, and yet planets apart. I can feel the radiance. I can smell that fragrance sweeter than miles of rose gardens. I can taste that moment, savoring it by the second. I can dream, and it feels like forever. Yet its been five years.

Five years since I smiled without malice. Five years since I could love and live. Five years since I died.

A couple of years down, and one phone call to tell me it’s all over. I begged. I pleaded. I argued. And for a very long time I accused her of causing me to distrust love. I now realize its been equally my fault, if not more. And I plead neither guilt nor apology.

I do not wish she had never broken up. I do not wish to go back these two years. I wish I never met Reena in the first place. Live in peace, ignorant of the angel a few blocks away. But it’s been five years. Five years since I lost me… And it could have as well been a hundred…